It’s hard to be in China for long without noticing the prevalence of not terribly attractive Western men who seem to have inexplicably landed themselves a gorgeous Chinese girlfriend. Though I hesitate to offer any explanation for this phenomenon, I do find myself recalling an awful lot of conversations with Chinese gal-pals about their inability to tell westerners apart. I may or may not have told some of these women to be sure and introduce me to any prospective beaus before taking the plunge, so that I could distinguish for them the handsome men from the mugs that even a mother wouldn’t love.
Then again, maybe these women know exactly what they’ve gotten themselves into, as more than a few pragmatically minded Chinese women have counseled me on the importance of choosing someone “bald and fat”-the reasoning being that such mates will be less likely to cheat or leave you. And on top of all that, you never know what seemingly smoking hot girl is considered downright homely by Chinese beauty standards. I have pointed out plenty of what I thought to be beautiful women, only to have Chinese friends reply musingly, “Yes, it’s strange, my other Western friends think she’s hot too. We all think she looks like a peasant.”
But perhaps we should just be glad that cross-cultural blindness is enabling people everywhere to get laid. In this chapter, you’ll find all the vocabulary you need for flattering, cajoling, and hopefully landing a date-or more. But read with caution: dating in China is a whole new ball game. The essential thing to know is this: the woman wears the pants in the relationship. Though we certainly can’t stereotype every Chinese woman this way, should you as a Western male choose to embark upon a relationship with one, be prepared to pay for everything (possibly including her rent), call and text her ten times a day (being tied up in meetings at work all day is no excuse), secure her permission whenever you want to go out with the guys (it will not be granted), and always, always, carry her purse (no matter how shiny, pink, or Hello Kitty bedecked it may be). And should you Western women desire to learn the ways of Chinese dating, you’d better brush up on the art of 撒娇 sǎjiāo (sah jow)-a common, whiney way of acting that most westerners find maddening and Chinese presumably find cute-which essentially involves pouting a lot, speaking in the voice of a five-year-old, hitting your boyfriend a lot whilst calling him “so bad,” and, of course, making him carry your purse.
Finding Love
调情 tiáoqíng (tyow cheeng)
To flirt. Literally “throw feelings.”
挑逗 tiǎodòu (tyow doe)
To flirt. Literally “incite and tease.”
打情骂俏 dǎ qíng mà qiào (dah ching ma chyow)
A literary way to say “flirt” or “banter flirtatiously.” Literally “hit passionately, scold prettily” referring to the expression 打是亲骂是爱 dǎ shì qīn mà shì ài (dah shih cheen ma shih aye), which translates to something like “hitting is intimacy and yelling is love.”
吃豆腐 chī dòufu (chih doe foo)
Cop a feel. Literally “eat tofu.” When used between people of the same sex, it can mean “to bully,” either verbally or physically. Used mainly in southern China, Taiwan, and Hong Kong, though northerners generally know the phrase as well. Relatedly, “sell tofu,” 卖豆腐 mài dòufu (my doe foo), is a southern Chinese euphemism for prostitution.
泡妞 pàonīu (pow nyoo)
One of the most common slang terms for “hitting on,” “flirting with,” or “hooking up with” girls. Literally “soak a girl.”
钓凯子 diào kǎizi (dyow kigh dz)
To pick up men, to hit on a man. Literally “fish for men” or “fish for a boyfriend.” Originated in Taiwan and Hong Kong but known and used everywhere.
搭讪 dā shàn (dah shahn)
To chat someone up, to start up a conversation.
戏果戏孙 xì guǒ xì sūn (she gwuh she swen)
Beijing slang for “chasing girls and boys,” or for people who go to bars with the express intent of finding a guy or girl to hook up with. 果 Guǒ (gwuh) means “fruit” but is Beijing slang for “chicks” because with a Beijing accent it’s pronounced like 果儿 guǒr (gwerr). 戏果 Xì guǒ (she gwuh) literally means “play with chicks” or “trick girls” and is an old Beijing expression that means flirting with or hitting on girls. 戏孙 Xì sūn (she swen) literally means “trick boys” or “play with boys” and means hitting on or flirting with guys.
磕蜜 kē mì (kuh me)
Beijing slang for “chasing” or “dating” women. Literally “hunt honey.” Not as popular as xì guǒ (above).
扎蜜 zhā mì (jah me)
Beijing slang for “chasing women.” Literally “fool around [with] honey.” Not as popular as xì guǒ (page 56).
求爱 qiúài (chyoe aye)
Woo (intransitive verb). Literally “plead for love.”
追求 zhuīqiú (jway chyoe)
To pursue (transitive verb).
垂涎三尺 chuíxián sān chǐ (chway shin sahn chih)
Literally “drool three feet.” Said of something appealing that makes you drool. Mainly used in reference to food but can also be said of a girl.
眉来眼去 méi lái yǎn qù (may lie yen chee)
Literally “eyebrows coming and eyes going.” Describes flirtatious eye contact or just flirting in general.
电眼 diàn yǎn (dyinn yen)
Literally “electric eyes.” A popular term among young people to describe beguiling eyes-that is, eyes that give you an electric spark.
过电 guò diàn (gwuh dyinn) or 放电 fàng diàn (fahng dyinn)
To have an electric shock (in the sense of being attracted to someone). Literally “release electricity” and “pass electricity,” respectively. Can also mean to knock the table with your glass when toasting, instead of clinking glasses.
来电 lái diàn (lie dyinn)
Romantic spark. Literally “electricity comes.” Not having any chemistry would be 不来电 bù lái diàn (boo lie dyinn), literally “electricity doesn’t come.”
撒娇 sǎjiāo (sah jow)
To throw a fit, to act like a brat, to act coquettishly. The key thing to note in this definition is that acting coquettishly-that is, acting in a way that attracts male attention-is synonymous with acting like a brat.
耍单儿 shuǎ dānr (shwah dar)
Literally “play alone,” meaning “single” or “unmarried,” but also Beijing slang for dressing skimpily even though it’s cold out, just to look cute.
漂亮 piàoliang (pyow lyahng)
Pretty. Can be said of someone who’s actually pretty, like the girl next door, but is also said in response to anything impressive or amazing. This word is often used in sports-when a soccer player scores a goal, a westerner might say “Nice!” but in Chinese you often hear the sports commentators yell, “Pretty!”
美 mĕi (may) or 美丽 mĕilì (may lee)
Beautiful, good-looking. Can describe both people and things.
美女 mĕi nǚ (may nee)
Beautiful girl, beautiful woman. Often used as a flattering term of address.
甜 tián (tyinn)
Sweet. Can describe either food or girls. Its meaning differs from the English meaning “extremely nice and thoughtful” in that it also connotes “cutesy.” For example, girls from Taiwan are described by mainlanders as sounding very tián because their accents sound girlish and cute to Chinese outside of Taiwan. A sweet girl is a 甜妞 tián nīu (tyinn nyoo).
可爱 kě’ài (kuh aye)
Cute.
卡哇依 kǎwāyī (kuh why ee)
Based on the Japanese word kawaii, meaning “cute” or “cutesy.” Tends to be used more often in Taiwan and other areas more strongly influenced by Japanese culture.
娃娃 wáwa (wah wah-that should be a short a; rhymes with “tra-la-la”)
Cute girl. Literally “baby” or “doll.”
绝色 juésè (dreh suh)
An extremely beautiful appearance (used as a noun). Literally “special color.” Used frequently on the Internet.
靓 liàng (lyahng)
Pretty or handsome. Literally “light” or “glowing” or “bright.” A pretty girl is a 靓女 liàng nǚ (lyahng nee), literally “glowing girl,” and a handsome young man is a 靓仔 liàng zǎi, literally “pretty boy.” Used in southern China.
迷人 mírén (me ren)
Fascinating, enchanting, charming, tempting (usually describing a female). Literally “attracts people.”
丰满 fēngmǎn (fung mahn)
Voluptuous, buxom. Literally “plentiful and full.”
身材 shēncái (shen tsigh)
Figure, body. Literally “body shape.”
条 tiáo (tyow)
Figure, shape (usually describing women). Ordinarily tiáo is a word that indicates reference to anything with a long and thin shape, like a stick or a noodle.
性感 xìnggǎn (sheeng gahn)
Sexy.
妖媚 yāomèi (yow may)
Sexy, enchanting. Literally “evil charming.”
妖里妖气 yāo lǐ yāo qì (yow lee yow chee)
Seductive and bewitching, sexy.
妖精 yāojing (yow jing)
Alluring woman, siren. Literally “evil spirit.”
尖果儿 jiān guǒr (jinn gwurr)
Beijing slang for a hot girl. Literally “sharp girl.”
尖孙儿 jiān sūnr (jinn swurr)
Beijing slang for a hot guy. Literally “sharp guy.”
辣妹 làmèi (lah may)
Southern Chinese slang for a hot girl. Literally “spicy sister.”
惹火 rěhuǒ (ruh hwuh)
Sexy, hot (female). Popular among young people.
帅 shuài (shwhy-think of it as “shh” and “why” mushed into one syllable)
Handsome. Literally “leader in battle.” Describes men, but like “pretty,” piàoliang (page 59), this can also be said in response to an impressive spectacle. You can make the sentiment stronger by saying 很帅! hěn shuài! (hun shwhy), literally “very handsome,” or 帅呆了 shuài dāi le, literally “stunningly handsome.”
帅哥 shuài gē (shwigh guh-shuài rhymes with “high”)
Handsome man. Literally “handsome older brother.” Often used as a flattering form of address for any good-looking young man.
壮 zhuàng (jwong)
Buff, strong. Beijingers pronounce it using third tone instead of fourth tone-zhuǎng (jwong).
酷 kù (coo)
Cool (a transliteration from the English). A common way to describe a guy you find attractive, and more likely to be used by young people today than 帅 shuài (shwigh), which means “handsome.”
棒 bàng (bahng-almost like “bong” but with an ahh sound replacing the o)
Capable, strong, awesome. Often said when praising someone. If a child does a good job cleaning his or her room, you can say 很棒! hěn bàng! (hun bahng), literally “very great.” Or if a girl has a really rockin’ body, you can say, “他的身材很棒!” “Tā de shēncái hěn bàng!” (tah duh shen tsigh hun bahng): “Her body is awesome!”
倍儿棒 bèir bàng (burr bahng)
Really great, really awesome. This is how a Beijing or Tian jin local might express 棒 bàng (bahng). (倍 Bèi means “multiply” and the儿 er (er) sound indicates a Beijing accent.) Thus a Beijinger complimenting a girl’s body might say, “你的身材倍儿棒!” “Nĭ de shēncái bèir bang!” (nee duh shen tsigh burr bahng): “You have a rockin’ body.”
养眼 yǎngyǎn (yahng yen)
Eye candy, good-looking, beautiful, easy on the eyes. Literally “fits eye.”
喜欢 xǐhuān (shee hwun)
To like.
爱 ài (aye-rhymes with “sigh”)
To love.
疼 téng (tung) or 疼爱 téng ài (tung aye)
Love (verb). Can be used both for romantic love and for parental or familial love. Can also mean “to spoil,” as in spoiling a beloved child. Téng can also mean “pain,” which you shouldn’t read into too deeply, but knowing it should give extra depth to this way of saying love.
暗恋 ànliàn (ahn lyinn)
To have a crush on.
谈恋爱 tánliàn’ài (tahn lyinn aye)
To date, to have a relationship with. Literally “talk about love” or “talk romance.”
约会 yuēhuì (yreh hway)
A date (noun). Came about due to Western influence.
AA 制 AA zhì (AA jih) and AB 制 AB zhì (AB jih)
Literally “AA system” and “AB system.” “Going Dutch” when you eat out is often called AA zhì in Chinese. However, going Dutch is a relatively recent concept for Chinese people. More recently, some people (men dining out with women in particular) are choosing to split the bill but pay a bit more, say 70 percent, and this is called AB zhì.
初恋 chūliàn (choo lyinn)
First relationship, first love.
女朋友 nǚpéngyǒu (nee pung yo)
Girlfriend. A direct translation from the English word, and like the English it usually means the girl a guy is dating but sometimes merely refers to a female friend.
男朋友 nánpéngyǒu (nahn pung yo)
Boyfriend.
马子 mǎzi (mah dz)
A slangy word for “girlfriend.” Originated in Hong Kong and was once used derogatorily (literally means “horse”), but now carries a positive connotation.
凯子 kǎizi (kigh dz)
A slangy term for “boyfriend” and the counterpart to mǎzi (above). Describes the ideal image of a boyfriend, as 凯 kǎi (kigh) means “triumphant” and connotes a hero victorious in battle.
我爱你 wǒ ài nǐ (wuh aye nee)
I love you.
鸳鸯 yuānyāng (yren yahng)
A pair of lovers. Also means Mandarin ducks, a frequent metaphor for lovers in classic literature.
拍拖 pāituō (pie twuh)
Courting, dating, being in love, having an affair. Literally “on patrol.” Used in southern China.
热恋 rèliàn (ruh lyinn)
To be in the honeymoon phrase, head over heels.
蜜运 mìyùn (mee yreen)
Dating seriously. Literally “honey luck.” When a man and woman are in a relationship likely headed toward marriage, young people might say that they are in mìyùn, or struck by “honey luck.” The term is a play on the word “honeymoon,” 蜜月 mìyuè (mee yreh), because they sound similar.
爱称 àichēng (aye chung)
Literally “love name.” An affectionate nickname, like “baby” or “snookums.” A few common Chinese “love names” are 宝贝 bǎobèi (baow bay), “baby” or “treasure”; 亲爱的 qīnàide (cheen aye duh), “dear” or “dearest” or “dear one”; 老公 lǎogong (laow gohng), “husband” but more literally “old husband”; and 老婆 lǎopó (laow pwuh), “wife” but more literally “old wife.”
两小无猜 liǎngxiǎowúcāi (lyahng shaow oo tsigh)
Two innocent child playmates (puppy love).
青梅竹马 qīngméizhúmǎ (cheeng may jooh mah)
Childhood sweethearts. Literally “green plums and a bamboo horse,” which are both references to childhood, as green plums are not yet ripe, and the bamboo horse refers to a childhood game of pretending to ride horses using a bamboo stick.
光棍节 Guāng Gùn Jié (gwahng gwen jyih)
Singles Day. A holiday probably invented by a bunch of Chinese college students in Nanjing during the 1990s, and held on November 11 because of all the ones in the date (11/11), which represent single people. On that date, at 11:11 p.m., male college students across China scream their desire for a girlfriend, bang on rice bowls with spoons, and otherwise make a lot of noise.
剩女 shèngnǚ (shung nee)
Literally “leftover woman.” Refers to successful career women who have still not found a spouse, and who have passed an age that the Chinese consider ideal for getting married.
三隐女人 sān yǐn nǚrén (sahn een nee ren)
Literally “woman with three secrets.” Refers to married women who, for whatever reasons, keep their marital status, age, and child a secret, leading everyone to think they’re single.
一见钟情 yí jiàn zhōng qíng (ee jinn johng cheeng)
Love at first sight. Literally “see once and love.” 锺情 Zhōng qíng (johng ching) means love or like.
爱屋及乌 ài wū jí wū (aye ooh gee ooh)
Literally “love house and bird.” An expression meaning that when you love someone, you also love everything belonging to or associated with them. An equivalent English expression might be “Love me, love my dog.”
空窗期 kōngchuāngqī (kohng chwahng chee)
Literally “open-window period,” referring to the window of time after a breakup when a person is up for grabs. Used especially in reference to someone that everyone wants.
黄昏恋 huánghūnliàn (hwahng hwen lyinn) or 夕阳恋 xīyángliàn (she yahng lyinn)
Literally “love at dusk” or “sunset love.” A romance between two elderly people. The rising sun is an oft-used metaphor for youth, and conversely the elderly are associated with the setting sun.
跨国恋 kuàguóliàn (kwah gwuh lyinn)
Literally “transnational love.” Refers to a relationship between a Chinese person and a foreigner, or any intercultural relationship.
扛洋枪 kángyángqiāng (kahng yahng chyahng-the ah in all three syllables indicates a short a, as in “ma” or “la”)
Literally “shoulder foreign rifles.” Used in the late nineteenth century to refer to Chinese people using items from overseas (pens, clothes, etc.) and now refers to Chinese women who date and/or sleep with foreigners.
网恋 wǎngliàn (wahng lyinn)
Internet dating, falling in love via the Internet.
师生恋 shī shēng liàn (shih shung lyinn)
Literally “teacher-student love.” A romantic relationship between a teacher and a student. Such relationships are extremely common in China, where it can be difficult for diligent students to meet romantic prospects.
老牛吃嫩草 lǎoniú chī nèncǎo (low new chih nun tsow)
A relationship between two people with a large age difference. Literally, “The old cow eats fresh grass.”
姐弟恋 jiědìliàn (jyih dee lyinn)
A relationship between an older woman and a much younger man. Literally “older sister, younger brother love.”
老少恋 lǎoshàoliàn (laow shaow lyinn)
Love between people with a big age difference. Literally “old-young love.”
忘年恋 wàngniánliàn (wahng nyinn lyinn)
Being in love despite age differences. Literally “forgetting-age love.”
两地恋 liǎngdìliàn (lyahng dee lyinn)
Long-distance relationship.
Miscellaneous types
傍大款 bàngdàkuǎn (bahng dah kwahn)
Literally “depend on a rich man” or “live off a rich man.” Negatively describes a woman having an intimate relationship with a wealthy man who supports her (and who may or may not be already married).
味道美女 wèidào mĕinǚ (way dow may nee)
Hot waitress. Literally “delectable beauty.”
骨头轻 gǔtóu qīng (goo toe ching)
Bimbo, airhead. Literally “light bones.”
浪 làng (lahng)
Northern Chinese slang for “shallow,” “airheaded,” or “flighty” (describing women). Can also mean “to stroll” or “to wander.”
绣花枕头 xìuhuā zhěntou (show hwa jen toe)
Literally “embroidered pillow,” meaning something or someone that is beautiful but useless.
老来俏 lǎo lái qiào (laow laow tsie)
An older person who dresses young. Literally “[from] old to pretty.”
装嫩 zhuāng nèn (jwahng nun)
Literally “pretending to be tender” or “faking softness” and describing someone who speaks girlishly, dresses young, and/or otherwise behaves much younger than he or she is.
校花 xiàohuā (shyaow hwa)
Literally “school flower.” Equivalent to the head of the cheerleading team-the most popular and desired girl in school.
校草 xiàocǎo (shaow tsow-both syllables rhyme with “pow”)
Literally “school grass.” Equivalent to the high school quarterback-the school hunk.
后生 hòushēng (ho shung)
Young man. Literally “born later.” Used in southern China.
滥情 lànqíng (lahn cheeng)
Something along the lines of a “romantic” crossed with a “player”-someone who loves everyone he or she sees. Said of both men and women. Literally “excessive feelings.” Can be used as an adjective too, as in 他这人挺滥情的 tā zhè rén tǐng lànqíng de (tah juh ren ting lahn ching duh): literally “this person really has a lot of excessive feelings” but meaning something more like “this person’s always falling in love with everyone he meets.”
小白脸 xiǎobáiliǎn (shyow buy lyinn)
Literally “little white face.” Refers to a young, slightly effeminate or somewhat “soft”-looking man (hence the white face, which is considered an effeminate feature). May also connote that the young man depends on an older woman for money instead of working for a living.
吃软饭 chī ruǎnfàn (chih rwun fun)
Literally “eat soft rice.” A negative expression for a man (of any age) who depends on his girlfriend or wife for a living. Mainly used in southern China.
花 huā (hwah)
An adjective used to describe a “player.” Literally “flower.”
花花公子 huāhuāgōngzǐ (hwa hwa gong dz-the gong sound has a long o, like “oh”)
A playboy (and also the Chinese name for Playboy magazine). Literally “flower prince.”
钻石王老五 zuànshí wáng lǎo wǔ (dzwun shih wahng low ooh)
Literally “diamond bachelor.” A wealthy, older, eligible man. Used mainly in Hong Kong and Taiwan (where it’s written 鑽石王老五).
单身贵族 dānshēn guì zú (dan shen gway dzoo)
Literally “unmarried nobility.” 单身 Dānshēn (dan shen) means “single” and many people now use this term with “nobility” added to convey the idea that there’s nothing wrong with being single and it’s something to be proud of, like something that noble people enjoy.
歪瓜劣枣 wāi guā lìe zǎo (why gwah lyih dzow)
Literally “crooked melons and split-open dates,” referring to a group of unattractive people. For example, 他们学校的男生都是些歪瓜劣枣 Tā men xué xiào de nán shēng dōu shì xiē wāi guā liè zǎo (tah men shreh shaow duh nahn shung doe shih shih why gwah lyih dzow) means “The boys at that school are all ugly.”
娘娘腔 niángniangqiāng (nyahng nyahng chyahng)
Sissy, pansy, an effeminate man with a girly voice. Can imply that the person is gay, though can also be used teasingly with a close friend. Literally “girly tone.”
奶油小生 nǎiyóu xiǎoshēng (nigh yo shaow shung)
An effeminate young man. Can be slightly derogatory, just like the word “girly.” Literally “buttery young man” or “butter-boy.”
夫妻相 fūqī xiàng (foo chee shyung)
Literally “husband-and-wife appearance.” We often say that a husband and wife start to look like each other as time goes by. Somewhat along the same lines, many Chinese believe that a man and woman who share certain similar facial features will have a longer-lasting marriage, and thus match-makers might consider their fūqī xiàng in debating their suitability for marriage.
王八看绿豆, 看对眼了 wángbā kàn lǜdòu, kàn duì yǎn le (wahng bah kahn lee dough, kahn dway yen luh)
A joking expression that means two ugly people will find each other attractive. Literally “a tortoise will gaze at two mung beans” (because the eyes of a tortoise look like two mung beans).
情侣衫 qínglǚ shān (cheeng lee shahn) or 情侣装 qínglǚ zhuāng (cheeng lee jwong)
Matching couple outfits. Literally “lovers’ shirts” or “couples’ outfits.” Also 对衫 duì shān (dway shahn), literally “matching shirts.” There is an inexplicable trend in China (and also South Korea) of couples wearing matching shirts. One (of many) of these T-shirt sets has an arrow pointing toward the girl, and the words, “Falling in love, she is my girlfriend.” The girl of course wears a shirt with an arrow pointing to the man, which says, “Falling in love, he is my boyfriend.” Moreover, these couples somehow manage to stay on the correct side of each other, always, while walking, sitting, shopping, and eating, so that the arrows are always pointing at each other.
闪约 shǎnyuē (shan yreh)
Speed-dating. Literally “flash appointment.”
Marriage
闪婚 shǎnhūn (shahn hwen)
Literally “flash marriage,” describing couples who meet, fall in love, and get married very quickly.
两地分居 liǎng dì fēn jū (lyahng dee fen gee)
Long-distance marriage. Literally “in two different places” or “in two different cities.” Such marriages have long been common in China due to a strict residence permit system that results in many people finding work in cities far from their spouse, though nowadays this situation is improving.
金龟婿 jīnguī xù (jean gway she)
A rich husband. Literally “golden turtle husband.” A golden turtle was a status symbol denoting high rank for officials in the Tang dynasty (618-907).
半糖夫妻 bàntáng fūqī (bahn tahng foo chee)
Literally “half-sweet couple.” Couples who live apart during the work week and only spend weekends together, to keep the romance alive in their marriage. An increasingly common phenomenon among upper-middle-class professionals.
走婚族 zǒuhūn zú (dzoe hwen dzoo-the first syllable rhymes with Joe but with the beginning sound like a d and z slurred together)
Literally “walking marriage.” Used to describe young Chinese couples in big cities who stay with their respective parents during the work week and live together only during the weekend.
急婚族 jíhūn zú (gee hwen dzoo)
Literally “hasty marriage group.” A new term that describes people who marry hastily and not for love, especially young women who marry a wealthy man soon after graduating from college so they don’t have to work.
形式结婚 xíngshì jiéhūn (sheeng shih jyih hwen)
A marriage of convenience-for example, between a gay man and a lesbian.
二锅头 èrguōtóu (er gwuh toe)
Literally “second-pot head” and the name of a brand of twice-distilled Chinese liquor. Also slang for a woman who remarries.
Love’s downsides
抬杠 táigàng (tie gahng)
Beijing slang for arguing for the sake of argument or for no reason. Also means being unreasonable in an argument, or deliberately picking a (verbal) fight. Literally “lifting the pole,” as in someone who keeps lifting up one end of the scale just to be higher than the other.
堕入情网 duò rù qíng wǎng (dwuh roo cheeng wahng)
Lovesick. Literally “sink into love’s net.”
麦芽糖女人 màiyátáng nǚrén (migh yah tahng nee ren)
Literally “malt sugar women.” Refers to possessive women who demand that their boyfriends or husbands spend every second with them-cling to them like sticky malt sugar.
气管炎 qìguănyán (chee gwun yen)
Literally “lung infection.” Refers to a man who is so whipped that he never talks back to his girlfriend or wife, thus his friends might jokingly say he has a lung infection.
见光死 jiàn guāng sǐ (gin gwahng sih)
Literally “killed by exposure to light.” Refers to two people who fall for each other via the Internet or phone dates, but whose would-be romance is sadly killed by the cold, harsh light of reality once they actually meet.
离婚同居 líhūn tóngjū (lee hwen tohng gee)
Continuing to live together after a divorce, either because one or both sides can’t afford a new home or because they refuse to pay their ex for their half of the home they jointly owned before the divorce.
断背婚姻 duànbèi hūnyīn (dwun bay hwen een)
Literally “brokeback marriage,” after the Ang Lee movie Brokeback Mountain. Refers to a marriage in which one side is gay and/or has had a gay affair.
私房钱 sīfángqián (sih fahng chyinn)
Literally “private house money.” Refers to the secret stash of money that a wife puts aside in case her husband leaves her. Also refers to the money that a husband secretly puts outside of his wife’s reach because he’s whipped and is expected to give her all the money he earns.
吃醋 chīcù (chih tsoo)
To be jealous, to be envious. Literally “to eat vinegar.” A 醋坛子 cù tánzi (tsoo tahn dz), literally “vinegar jar,” is a jealous person.
窝里横 wōlǐhèng (wuh lee hung)
Literally “unruly in the nest,” referring to people who seem polite and civilized in public and only reveal their nastiness at home.
三角恋 sānjiǎo liàn (sahn jow lyinn)
Love triangle.
爱恨交加 ài hèn jiāojiā (aye hun jow jah)
Love-hate relationship.
心碎 xīn suì (sheen sway)
Brokenhearted.
反目成仇 fǎn mù chéng chóu (fun moo chung cho)
Utter hatred after a breakup.
Extramarital affairs
有一腿 yŏu yì tuǐ (yo ee tway)
Have an affair. Literally “has one leg,” suggesting a man’s leg intertwined with a woman’s. Originated in Hong Kong or Taiwan but used everywhere.
劈腿 pī tuǐ (pee tway)
Affair, cheat, two-timing. Literally “split legs.” Also the technical term for a split in gymnastics. Commonly used in southern China.
戴绿帽子 dài lǜmàozi (die lee mao dz)
A cuckold, a man who is being cheated on. Literally “wear a green hat,” supposedly because male-brother workers during the Tang dynasty had to wear green hats. Because of this term, no Chinese man, and even many Chinese women, will wear green hats. One friend of mine found this out when he had to organize an office Christmas party, and all the Chinese in the office shot down his idea of dressing like elves, as it meant they’d have to wear green hats.
负心汉 fù xīn hàn (foo sheen hahn)
Cheater (referring to a man). Literally “cheating man.”
包二奶 bāoèrnăi (bow er nigh-the bow sound rhymes with “cow”) or just 二奶 èrnăi (er nigh)
Long ago, when Chinese men had multiple wives, èrnăi referred to the second wife. Today it refers to the mistresses of wealthy men and government officials, an extremely common fact of life in China. Literally “packaged second wife.”
傍家儿 bàng jiār (bahng jer)
Mistress. Literally “depend on home.” Pejorative term for a young woman who has an affair with a rich married man. Used in Beijing only.
榜肩 bàng jiàn (bahng jyinn)
Beijing slang for an extramarital lover. Literally “depend on shoulders.”
情儿 qíngr (churr)
Beijing slang for an extramarital lover. Literally “passion.”
小老婆 xiǎolǎopó (shyaow laow pwuh)
Mistress. Literally “little wife.”
蜜 mì (me) or 小蜜 xiǎo mì (shyow me)
Mistress. Literally “honey” or “little honey.”
婚外恋 hūnwàiliàn (hwen why lyinn)
Extramarital love.
小三 xiǎo sān (shyow sahn)
Literally “little third.” Refers to the “third person” in a relationship; i.e., the mistress.
出位 chū wèi (choo way)
Literally “overstep the mark.” Describes a person who has had an extramarital affair. May also describe other situations when a person inappropriately “oversteps the mark”-for example, job applicants who include sexually provocative photos of themselves in their resume (a not infrequent phenomenon, as it is legal for employers in China to require that applicants submit a photo, and many even require that girls be within a certain height and weight limit).
漂婚 piāo hūn (pyow hwen)
A fake marriage, of sorts, between two people who are already married to other people, but who manage to establish a life like they are married in another town. This phenomenon is made easier by the fact that many Chinese wind up living and working far away from their spouses due to a strict residence permit system. Literally “floating marriage.”
亚偷情 yā tōu qíng (yah toe cheeng)
Literally “second stolen feelings.” Refers to married people who have an intense friendship with a friend of the opposite sex and are so close that they are practically having an affair, but without ever actually having sex.