Later that day, with bags packed, Max, 99 and Professor Wormser von BOOM reached the pier and boarded the ship that would take them to Africa. Max and the Professor had a stateroom together, and 99 was alone. As Max and von BOOM were unpacking, Max said, “If you’ve never sailed on an ocean liner before, Professor, I can give you a few tips on some of the strange shipboard customs.” There was no reply. Looking around, Max discovered that von BOOM was gone. He thought back over what he had said, then left the stateroom and went to the mess, where he found von BOOM seated alone in the huge empty room waiting to be served dinner. Max led him back to the stateroom and the unpacking continued.
On the first day at sea, von BOOM wandered off and was eventually found a total of six times. Disgusted, Max decided that he and the Professor would remain in their cabin during the rest of the trip. But one whole day in seclusion was too much. So, on the third day, Max and von BOOM left the cabin and joined 99 on deck, where, disguised in dark glasses, they reclined in deckchairs, staring out at the ocean.
“Big deal,” Max complained. “We had the same view from the cabin porthole-only it was smaller and rounder.”
“Isn’t this sea air wonderful, though, Max?” 99 said.
Max sniffed. “It smells like the inside of a salt shaker.”
99 turned her attention to von BOOM. “Incidentally, Professor,” she said, “while we were in the secret passageways below headquarters, what was the key word that Max used that sent you out looking for the post office?”
“Line,” von BOOM replied.
“Oh, yes, I mentioned the line on my hand,” Max said. He frowned. “Line? What’s the connection with post office?”
“Whenever I’m in a hurry, there’s always a line at the stamp window,” von BOOM explained.
“That makes-” Max began.
“Look!” 99 interrupted, pointing into the sky. “Isn’t that the most interesting bird you’ve ever seen! It’s so big. And such odd wings.”
Von BOOM leaned forward, squinting. “As a scientist, I’d say that’s a phenomenon,” he said.
“It’s the wrong color for a phenomenon,” Max said. “I know a little bit about birds myself. And that is nothing more than a fat black seagull.”
“It’s getting closer,” 99 said. “It looks as if it’s flying straight toward the ship.”
“Those are not wings,” von BOOM said. “That’s a propeller.”
Max hooted. “Your memory is worse than I thought, Professor,” he said. “If you can remember ever seeing a seagull with a propeller-”
“It’s a phenomenon!” von BOOM insisted.
“Seagull!”
“Phenomenon!”
“Seagull!”
“Phenomenon!”
“Helicopter!”
Max and von BOOM turned to 99. “Helicopter?” they said in unison.
“Just look!” she replied.
The helicopter was settling down to the deck only a few yards away. Two men were peering out from the glass, bubble-type cockpit.
“Or. . it could be a passenger pigeon,” Max. said limply.
The helicopter touched down. The hatch opened, and, leaving the engine running, the two men jumped down and approached Max, 99 and von BOOM.
“This looks like them,” the first man said.
The second man got a slip of paper from his pocket and studied it, then looked closely at Max, 99 and von BOOM. “Could be,” he said. “Let’s just check it out-one Agent 86, one Agent 99, and one old guy who looks like he needs a keeper. Check?”
“Check,” the first man replied.
The second man put the piece of paper away, then drew a pistol. “Agent 86 and Agent 99, you stay,” he said. “Von BOOM, you come with us.”
“KAOS!” 99 cried.
“Or. . very large baby seagulls,” Max suggested.
“With a gun, Max?”
“99, tell me, exactly what proof do you have that there are no juvenile delinquents in the seagull family?”
“Cut the chatter!” the second man commanded. He yanked von BOOM to his feet. “Let’s cut out, Pops!” he snarled.
The two men backed toward the waiting helicopter, taking von BOOM with them, holding the gun on Max and 99.
“Max! Aren’t you going to do something?” 99 urged.
“Right now, there’s nothing I can do,” Max replied. “But I certainly know what I’m going to do when we get back to land.”
“What, Max?”
“Read up on seagulls.”
The kidnappers and their prize reached the helicopter. They hustled von BOOM aboard, then closed the hatch. At that instant, Max leaped up and raced forward. As the helicopter rose from the deck, he lunged forward and got a hold on the landing gear. The helicopter soared upward-with Max dangling below.
“Max! You’ll be killed!” 99 screamed.
Max shouted back. But his answer was lost. The helicopter had already become a speck in the sky.
Summoning every ounce of his strength, Max clambered torturously up the landing gear. In time, he reached the hatch and rapped on it.
One of the KAOS agents opened it. “Yeah?” he said nastily.
“Avon calling,” Max gasped.
“Hold it,” the KAOS agent said. He turned to his companion, the KAOS agent at the controls. “Let me see that piece of paper with the description on it,” he said. “There’s an Avon lady at the hatch that I got a suspicion I seen before.”
For the KAOS agents, the delay was costly. While the first man was checking the description on the piece of paper, Max pulled himself up into the cockpit.
“How am I described?” Max asked, looking over the first man’s shoulder.
Curiosity was a mistake. For Max, the delay was costly. The KAOS agent, recognizing Max, pulled his gun and got the drop on him.
“Okay, you can go out the same way you came in,” the KAOS agent ordered.
Max looked back. It was at least a thousand-foot drop to the ocean.
Max addressed the KAOS agent who was acting as pilot. “Could you lower this thing a little?” he said. “That first step looks a teensy-weensy bit high.”
“It’s an optical illusion,” the pilot replied. “But, if you’re afraid of the fall, I’ll give you a little tip. Hold your arms out like-”
Von BOOM had risen from his seat. And, as the KAOS agents and Max watched, intrigued, he stepped through the open hatchway and plummeted downward.
“What’s he? A nut?” the first man asked.
“No,” Max replied, peering out at the falling professor, “I think he just had a sudden urge for a seafood dinner.”
“Catch him!” the KAOS agent who was holding the gun barked at the KAOS agent who was at the controls.
Instantly, the helicopter swooped into a dive, and a moment later it caught up with von BOOM. As the Professor descended, the helicopter flew next to him, falling at exactly the same rate of speed.
“Get back in here!” the first man shouted crossly at von BOOM.
The Professor tried to step back into the helicopter, but he made no progress.
“I don’t think he’s really trying,” the first man grumbled. “I guess we’ll have to go out there and get him and drag him back.”
“Yes, you go right ahead,” Max said. “I’ll wait here.”
“When I said ‘we,’ I meant ‘you,’ ” the first man advised. “He’s your responsibility, isn’t he? So, you go get him.”
The KAOS agent at the controls spoke up. “If we send him out there, we’ll lose them both,” he said. “It wouldn’t look too good on our records.”
“Sidney,” the first man replied, “is that all you ever think about is your record? What do you want? You want me to go out there? You know I could get killed? Is it worth it, Sidney? A life-a human life-just so you can look good on the records? Sidney, we’ve been working together for almost ten years-a team-but sometimes I think I don’t know you at all. On the outside, you’re such a nice guy. You’re a family man. You got sufficient insurance to cover your wife’s and kids’ needs in case of an unforeseen and unfortunate accident. On top of that, you got a savings account, in which you save for a rainy day. You like animals. Many a tree you’ve climbed to rescue a pussy cat, Sidney. And who is kinder to his mother, Sidney, than you? But, inside. . I don’t know, Sidney. There are times, when I get a glimpse into your real heart of hearts, Sidney, and I wonder. What’s the answer? What are you? Who are you?”
“I’m Rodney,” the second man replied. “Sidney didn’t come with you this time. He’s on vacation.”
“That explains it,” the first man said. “Sidney would never-never in his life-ask me to step out that hatchway and risk my life.”
“I wouldn’t either,” the second man replied. “What I had in mind was for you to push that Control agent out the hatchway and hold onto him by the feet. He can grab hold of the other guy and pull him back in, and that way we won’t lose nobody. It’ll look better on the record.”
The first man beamed. “Glad to have you aboard,” he said to the second man. “That dumbhead Sidney would’ve never thought of that. He’d’ve sent me out the hatchway to my certain death.” He then turned to Max and gave him a shove.
Max tumbled backwards out the hatchway-then suddenly halted and dangled again, as the KAOS agent caught him by the ankles.
“Okay, now do like Rodney said,” the KAOS agent shouted to Max.
Max began swinging, back and forth, back and forth, gaining momentum. Finally, he was able to reach von BOOM. He got hold of him by the wrists and hung on.
“Pull us up-like Rodney said!” Max shouted.
The first man tugged. But Max and von BOOM together were too heavy for him.
“You and your big fat ideas,” the first man said disgustedly to the second man. “I can’t pull them up. And I can’t hold onto them much longer, either. Boy-if Sidney were only here!”
“Cool it, baby,” the second man replied. “I’ll fly back to the ship and land on the deck and then everybody but that Control agent can get back in and we’ll take off again.”
“Man, I’m glad I got you this time instead of Sidney,” the first man said. “You know what Sidney would have suggested?”
“What?”
“Nothing. He never had any ideas. I always had to do all the thinking for both of us. You know why Sidney has insurance and a savings account? Because I told him to. Sidney is so dumb, he couldn’t rescue a pussy cat out of a tree without directions. One thing I’ll admit, though-he’s good to his mother on his own. But what did it ever get him?”
“There’s the ship,” the second man said. “Can you hold them for another couple more minutes?”
“I can do anything,” the first man replied. “With you as my partner, I’m inspired, Rodney.”
The helicopter hovered a few feet above the deck. The first man released his hold on Max’s ankles, and Max and von BOOM dropped to the deck, then scrambled out of the way as the helicopter landed.
99 rushed up to Max and von BOOM. “You’re safe!” she cried happily.
“Not quite yet, 99,” Max said.
The KAOS agents were climbing down from the helicopter, guns in hand.
“Let’s get them, Max!” 99 said.
Max looked at her, hurt. “99, that’s my line. I say ‘Let’s get them,’ and you say, ‘With you, Max!’ Okay?”
“Sorry, Max.”
“Just don’t be a Sidney, 99.”
“A what, Max?”
“I’ll explain later. Right now-let’s get them, 99!”
Max dived at the first KAOS agent and tackled him below the knees. Surprised, the man threw up his arms to try to keep his balance, and his gun went flying. Meanwhile, the second KAOS agent had stopped to assist his comrade. His concern was an error. For, as he. started to drag Max away, 99 caught him from behind with a karate chop. Hitting the deck, the second man lost his gun, too.
Max jumped to his feet, pulled his gun, and held it on the two KAOS agents. “Well, it looks like the tables are turned,” he said crisply.
“To me, it’s no surprise,” the first man said. “I’ve never known a Rodney yet who wasn’t a jinx. Boy, you’re just lucky that Sidney isn’t here. Would he handle you two! Wow!”
“All right, on your feet!” Max said, brandishing the pistol. “We’ll just stash you in the brig until-”
“Max. .” 99 said, pulling at Max’s sleeve. “Professor von BOOM-he’s gone!”
Max clapped a hand to his brow. “I did it again. What did I say?”
99 thought back. “Let’s see. . I said, ‘Let’s get them, Max.’ Then you said, ‘99, that’s my line.’ Then I-”
“That’s it, 99! Line! He’s headed for the ship’s post office! After him!”
Max and 99 whipped around and dashed down the deck.
“Folks!” the first KAOS agent called after them.
Max and 99 halted. “Yes?” Max called back.
“Could we get in on this?” the first man asked. “After all, you know, your loss is our loss.”
“Just get a move on!” Max replied. “If we don’t catch him in time, he’s liable to mail himself back to the mainland.”
Max and 99, joined by the two KAOS agents, rushed from the deck and down a corridor to the ship’s post office. Professor von BOOM was nowhere in sight.
“Excuse me,” Max said to the clerk, a young man with oversized glasses. “Have you seen a dumpy little man who looks as if he needs a keeper?”
“Oh, lots,” the clerk replied. “In fact, you’re my two-hundred-and-twelfth.”
The first KAOS agent poked the second KAOS agent in the ribs with his elbow. “Reminds you a lot of Sidney, doesn’t he?” he said, indicating the clerk. “Always some dumb answer.”
“I’m talking about one dumpy little man in particular,” Max said to the clerk. “He was probably here just a few minutes ago.”
“I remember him,” the clerk nodded. “He was very upset about the long line at the stamp window. So, I said to him, ‘I’ll give you a tip, buddy. Come back in two minutes. The line always disappears after you’ve been gone for two minutes.’ Well, when I said I’d give him a tip, he started to leave. But then when I said ‘line,’ he came back. So, I said, ‘Don’t you like the tip, buddy?’ and he left again. I haven’t seen him since.”
Max nodded. “That makes sense. We’ll find him in the dining room.”
“Boy, that’s a Sidney if I ever heard one,” the first KAOS agent said to the second KAOS agent. “When a bunch of garbage makes sense, it’s a Sidney.”
Max and 99 dashed down the corridor toward the dining room. The two KAOS agents hurried after them. But, as before, when they reached the dining room, it was deserted.
“Gone!” Max groaned. “Not a soul around. Not man nor beast.”
“Only birds,” the first KAOS agent said.
“Birds?”
The KAOS agent pointed out the porthole. “Seagulls.”
Max scowled. “I wonder. .” He went to one of the portholes. Above it was posted a small sign, saying: Please Do Not Feed the Seagulls. “This explains it,” Max said. “He read this sign. One of the words reminded him of something. We’ll find him back at the helicopter.”
“One of these words reminded him of a helicopter?” the first KAOS agent said doubtfully. “Which one?”
“Seagull.”
“Is that another Sidney?” the second KAOS agent asked the first KAOS agent.
The first KAOS agent whistled shrilly. “Not just another,” he said. “That’s a super Sidney!”
“Max, we better get back there fast,” 99 said worriedly. “The helicopter engine was left running.”
Max and 99 raced back along the corridor, and, with the two KAOS agents right behind them, soon emerged on deck. They spotted Professor von BOOM seated in the helicopter, studying the controls.
“No!” Max shouted. “No, not that!”
Max sprinted ahead. The two KAOS agents increased their speed, too, trying to keep up with him.
Reaching the helicopter, Max leaped aboard. But the heel of his shoe-phone caught on the edge of the hatchway and he stumbled forward and fell against the controls. Immediately, the helicopter shot straight up into the air.
“Now, you did it!” Max complained to von BOOM.
“Me? I was looking for a way to shut off the engine so those two KAOS agents couldn’t escape. You’re the one who got us up in the air.”
“We seem to be still rising,” Max noted. “I wonder how this thing is operated? Another thing I wonder is how high we are.” He looked out the hatchway. To his surprise, he found that the two KAOS agents were dangling from the landing gear. “We have hitchhikers,” he said to von BOOM, pointing.
Von BOOM got up and looked out the hatchway. “They’re climbing up,” he said.
Max slipped into the pilot’s seat. “This machine ought to be easy enough to handle,” he said, examining the controls. “If I just move this stick-”
The helicopter flopped over on its back, dropping Max and von BOOM in a heap on the ceiling of the bubble.
From above them came a cry of panic. “Get Sidney away from them controls!”
“They’re still with us,” von BOOM commented. He looked down. “But that’s not the worst,” he said. “We’re rising downward.”
Struggling, Max reached the stick. The helicopter rolled over on its side.
“I think I’m getting the hang of it,” Max said.
“It’s better,” von BOOM agreed. “Now, we’re rising sideways.”
“Just a lit-tle adjustment. .” Max said, moving the stick.
The helicopter righted itself, and Max scrambled back into the pilot’s seat.
“They’re climbing again,” von BOOM informed him, peering out the hatchway.
“Easy does it,” Max said. He got hold of a handle and moved it slowly in reverse. Gradually, the helicopter began to descend. “Give me another few minutes, and I’d know this machine like the palm of my hand,” he said.
“I think we’re going to crash on the deck,” von BOOM warned.
Max shoved the handle forward. The helicopter shot back into the air.
From below came a shout of rage. “It’s not an elevator, Sidney! It’s a helicopter!”
“There’s always a grouch in the crowd,” Max grumbled.
Once more, he eased the handle in reverse, and the helicopter began another slow descent. This time, when they neared the deck, instead of yanking the handle backwards, Max held it steady.
“We’re hovering,” von BOOM advised him. “What now?”
“When I say ‘jump’-jump,” Max ordered.
“I’ll hit the deck.”
“That’s where we want to be,” Max pointed out.
Von BOOM thought for a moment, then nodded. “I don’t know how you managed it, but, for once, I think you’re right.”
“Jump!” Max shouted.
Von BOOM leaped out through the hatchway. An instant later, Max followed him. They hit the deck, rolled, then got to their feet. 99 ran up to them.
“Max-they’re getting away!” 99 cried, pointing to the sky.
The helicopter was rising swiftly, with the two KAOS agents still clinging to the gear.
“They’re not getting away, 99,” Max corrected her. “That’s the way I planned it. They’re heading out to sea. Out there, I don’t think they’ll be much trouble to us.”
“Max! That’s brilliant!”
Max turned and waved goodbye to the departing helicopter.
A cry of anguish, almost inaudible, came floating down. “Sidney! Sidney! Where are you when I need you, Sidney!”
Max, 99 and von BOOM returned to the deck chairs.
“Well, we’re safe now-at least, until we reach Africa,” Max said. “Maybe I better report in to the Chief and let him know how well things are going.”
“Right-you better do it now,” von BOOM said. “I have a feeling that it can’t last.”
“Nevermind, Max,” 99 said consolingly. “There’s always a grouch in the crowd.”
Max removed his shoe and dialed.
Operator: Is that you, Maxie? How’s the ol’ disgruntled taxpayer?
Max: Operator, I’m in no mood for switchboard humor. Will you just connect me with the Chief, please.
Operator: In trouble over your head again, Maxie?
Max: It so happens, Operator, that I am calling in to report nothing, so far, but total success.
Operator: It can’t last. I’ll keep the line open for five minutes.
Max: Five minutes? Why five minutes?
Operator: If you’re running true to form, by then you’ll be over your head in trouble again.
Max: Operator, let me talk to your supervisor.
Operator: Sorry, Maxie-she’s on vacation.
Max: You’re very fortunate. Now, will you please connect me with the Chief?
Operator: No can do, Maxie. He’s out. He left a message for you, though.
Max: Yes?
Operator: He said to tell you if you called in that with everybody out of town on vacation, he’s had no work to do.
Max (impatiently): So?
Operator: So he’s gone on vacation.
Max hung up and placed his shoe back on his foot.
“What is it, Max?” 99 asked, concerned.
Sulking, Max did not reply.
“This is a unique crowd,” von BOOM said. “It has two grouches.”