I was sitting in my patrol car with Fred Grothler, a.k.a. Goober; the driver of the car that now sat comfortably in the ditch. I had Fred in the front passenger seat. He was no threat, and seemed sober. I was filling out the officer's section of a state motor vehicle accident report. I had to do it instead of Five, Mike Connors, as Mike had been involved in a chase with the vehicle in the ditch. He would be assumed to be biased, and unable to be objective in his assessment of the cause of the accident. I, on the other hand, the proximate cause of the accident, was assumed to be emotionally uninvolved. Attorneys. But having to fill out the accident report was just another reason I hated assisting with chases. I had unzipped my down vest, and had donned my gold-rimmed reading glasses. I turned to Fred/Goober.
"You wanna tell me what the hell you were doin'?" Goober just sat there, shivering. Nerves, I thought. It was cold, and he was a bit damp, but it was warm enough in my car. He shouldn't have been shaking from the cold. "I, I, I dddon't know," he said.
"You don't know if you want to tell me, or you don't know what you were doing?"
Goober looked at me. "I ddon't kn, kn, know."
I'd talked with Deputy Mike, and he'd told me that he'd been doing routine patrol in the area where we'd been having some residential burglaries, and he'd seen a car sitting on the side of the road, honking its horn. He turned on his top lights, and was just getting out of his patrol car to see if the occupant needed help, when the suspect vehicle had turned on its lights and taken off, scattering snow clogs all over him.
He'd very reasonably gotten back into his patrol car and started the pursuit.
Mike and Nine, John Willis, were still across the road, sitting in Mike's car, and waiting for a wrecker. When we'd taken Fred out of his car, I'd noticed several tools on the floor of the front seat. Whether they were carpenter's tools, or auto repair tools, or burglar's tools was open to question. That was the trouble with tools… they were pretty much described by whatever you wanted them for. We did have several area burglaries that had used a half-inch pry, and that could be just about any screwdriver. On the other hand, just looking at Fred's car led me to believe that most of the tools on the floor could easily have been used just to get the ugly thing started. Mike leaned toward charging Goober with Possession of Burglary Tools. I disagreed, but we'd left it kind of dangling, ready to be used if we could prove Goober had been about to go into a place. But any way you cut it, all we had was traffic on him at this point… and minor traffic at that.
We couldn't even get him for "eluding pursuit," because in Iowa you had to be doing at least 15 mph over the posted limit for that to come into effect. The limit on gravel roads was 55, just like rural highways. None of us thought we could prove 70 mph, because Mike was pretty well keeping up with him at 60. And 70 on those roads was just about out of the question.
The other problem was that, out of the three possible rural residence burglary targets in the area where Mike had made the first contact with the horn-blowing Fred, there were no tracks in the farm drives. The snow had come down a couple of days ago, and any movement into those drives would have been immediately noticeable. After we saw the tools in Goober's car, Mike had driven back up the course of the chase and had checked himself. No tracks. No evidence of any crime. Well, not yet, anyway.
"So, Fred," I said. "What were you doin' out on a night like this?"
"De, de, deer," he said, still shaking.
"Deer?" I asked. "What deer?"
"The ones I was honkin' at," he replied. "I was hon, hon, honkin' at deer."
"Honkin' at deer…"
"Well," he said in a whiny voice, "… yeah. I heh-heh hit one a year ago, and I stop and honk at 'em nuh, nuh, now. That's all." He looked so serious and honest in such a studied way, it was almost painfully obvious he was lying through his teeth.
"Fred… you really expect me to believe that?"
There was a long pause. Then he said the most honest thing he'd said all night. "Well, it'd bu, bu, bu, be nice if you di, di, di, did…"
We had nothing, we couldn't hold him much longer than the time it would take to do an accident report and get his car out of the ditch, and I was very, very tired. "Tell you what, Fred… You think about it, and we'll talk again in a minute or two." I looked at him for a long moment. "Just don't lie to me, Fred. You know how I hate that."
He nodded. "Okay."
I picked up my mike. "Comm, Three. I'll be bringing the driver into the department as soon as the wrecker gets here. Any idea on an ETA for that?"
"Just a few minutes," she replied. "I called him about fifteen minutes ago, and he said he'd go right out."
"Ten-four," I said. I felt sorry for the wrecker driver. Bundling up, going out to an ice cold garage and getting into an ice cold wrecker, just to come out here and pull out some idiot's car that shouldn't have been here in the first place…
"No!"
I looked at Goober. "What?"
"No, no, don't take me in there. We can't go in to Maitland."
"We can't?" I looked at him over the top of my reading glasses. "And just why would that be?"
Suddenly, he looked as if he were about to cry. "They, they, they need me there…"
"'They,' Fred? Who are 'they'?"
I'd known Fred for about five years, since the time I'd busted him for DWI when he was sixteen. We'd always gotten along fairly well, really, and had met officially three or four times since his DWI. Minor stuff, a small theft, a couple of vandalism charges. Fred wasn't exactly what you'd call a career criminal. Just a bored kid in a very small Iowa town, who honked his horn at deer.
He opened his mouth, and made a tiny choking sound. He didn't look directly at me.
"You know, Mr. Houseman, those break-ins you beh, beh, been having around the county, in the farmhouses?"
"Yeah," I said, being noncommittal. I knew them, all right. Eleven burglaries at rural residences in the last sixteen days. That was just as far as we knew. One of the problems was that the burglaries were at a select number of farmhouses that were empty for the winter, the owners being elsewhere. Elsewhere as in warmer. Most of the burglaries were reported by whoever was looking after the place, when they showed up to check the furnace and the water pipes. Usually once a week or so. The main problem was, we had no idea if, or how many, more would be discovered. Neither did we have much of an idea of when they'd been done, except after the date the owners had left. We only knew the date when they'd been found.
"Well, uh, do you have a, a, a list, like, of the places that have been robbed?"
"Yeah." We had two lists, actually. The first was a simple listing of the known burglaries, in chronological order. The other was a list of residence check requests, filed with the department by the owners before they left, and giving information like the dates they'd be gone, who was going to check on their property for them, and asking us to have a car drive by every night. We were beginning to regard the second list as an indicator of the next burglaries. It was also very painful for Lamar, our sheriff. Many of the people who were on the list were his supporters. He'd gotten their support, at least in part, by having the residence check program in the first place. Simply being able to be the first to tell them they'd been burglarized, however, wasn't his idea of a positive result coming from the RC program. As a direct consequence of Lamar's pain, it was becoming a particularly painful experience for the officers on the night shift, who were supposed to do the actual checking.
"Uh, well, do you have anything about that Bohr, Bohr, Borglan place, out on W4G, down by the Church crossroads?" asked Fred.
"Cletus Borglan's, you mean?" A perfect target. Borglan and his family wintered in Florida, usually leaving right after Christmas. And about a half mile from where Mike had come upon Fred about an hour ago. I began to feel a glimmer of hope.
"Yeah, that's it." Goober began to rock back and forth, just a little twitchy movement, but noticeable.
"No." Not unless somebody had forgotten to tell me, I thought.
"Oh, boy. Oh, boy." He sat holding on to the front edge of the seat with both hands, looking down. "I wish you had, Mr. Houseman. Oh, boy." He sounded like he was going to cry. He began to rock a bit harder.
I figured that he was about to snitch somebody off, and that he was hoping that we had a report of the burglary already, so that he wouldn't be telling me something that only he and the burglar would know. A hazardous practice, without a doubt.
"If you're worried about us 'finding it,' Fred, we can always come up with something that'll keep you out of that part." I tried to be helpful.
"No, it's not that. Thanks, though."
"Sure." I waited a second. "Come on, Goober. Spit it out."
"It's just that, well, meh, meh, me and my cousins from Oelwein… we been the ones doing those break-ins, you know?"
"Just a second, Fred. Are you saying that you've been directly involved with some of them?" A confession? Could I be that lucky?
"Mostly all, I suspect," he answered, in a soft voice. The rocking increased, perceptibly.
Thank you, God. Thank you, thank you. Up to now, we hadn't had a single clue as to who had been doing the burglaries. I took a breath, to slow myself down, and to try to appear matter-of-fact. "I'm going to have to advise you of your rights, Fred."
"Sure, but that ain't what it's about. Not why I was out here… not directly, Mr. Houseman."
I told him to hang on a second, and very quickly recited his Miranda rights to him. To be safe. "There, Fred. Now, do you understand those rights?"
"Yeah. But, Mr. Houseman, you gotta understand. Dirk and Royce, my cousins, they had me driving the car, you know?"
"While they did the burglaries, you mean?"
"I just drive 'em out to the place, you know, and they get out and sneak in, and then I go away for a while, and I come back and pick 'em up."
"You pick 'em up? They go in on foot?"
"Yeah."
He looked up beseechingly. "Am I gonna get charged with manslaughter, or something, if they're dead?"
I must have given him my dumb look.
"If they're dead, are you gonna send me away? I just gotta know."
Fred leaned forward, terribly earnest. "You gotta understand, Mr. Houseman. That's what I been trying to tell you. I dropped ' em off Sunday night. Two nights ago. On the other side of the hill back of the place. I saw 'em go over the hill, to go into the place." He stared at me with wide eyes. "They never came back out."