The last blind date Amy had set up for me resulted in a hickey I’d remember forever since the guy had bitten me and turned me into a vampire. Needless to say, I wasn’t a big fan of impromptu setups with strangers. Especially ones orchestrated by Amy.
“Great to meet you… uh, Jeremy, was it?” I plastered a smile on my face while my eyes tracked back to my Cupid-playing blond friend. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Amy? In private?”
She nodded tightly. “Mmm hmm.”
“We’ll be back in just a sec. Talk amongst yourselves.” I slid off the leather-covered barstool and sidestepped Jeremy and George as I threaded my way through the crowd of thirsty, club-going vampires toward the hallway leading to the washrooms. Amy trailed silently behind me.
“Really?” I said after we were out of earshot and away from the loud music. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“But he’s so nice. You haven’t even given him a chance.”
“I’m sure he’s the nicest vampire bachelor in the city. This has nothing to do with him.”
“I wanted to cheer you up. So sue me.” She pouted at her failed attempt to love-match me. “Ever since you and jerk-face broke up you’ve been no fun at all.”
Jerk-face was her pet name for Thierry. I had a similar term of endearment for her vampire husband, Barry, so I guess it all equaled out.
I cleared my throat. “That doesn’t mean I want to start dating again. At least, not this soon.”
“Jeremy would be perfect for you.” She paused. “Although, he’d also be perfect for
George, if you know what I mean. Don’t you love a man who’s flexible about certain things?”
Sounded like an episode of Jerry Springer in the making, actually.
“I appreciate the thought, but I need some time on my own right now.”
She nodded sadly and patted my arm. “Your heart is broken in a million pieces.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to get back on that horse and gallop right out of town into the sunset with a new, perfect man.” She cocked her head to the side as she thought about it. “Or having a one-night stand with a super-hot guy would probably work wonders, too.”
“Wallowing in solitude is also a great use of time after a breakup. No one-night stands need apply.”
She sighed. “You’re not thinking there’s a chance you and Thierry are going to get back together, are you?”
I chewed my bottom lip and shook my head. “It’s over. Him and me were completely wrong for each other from the very start. This is all for the best.”
It sounded perfectly rehearsed because it was.
Amy nodded. “Well, you’re right about that. He was a pompous jerk who didn’t deserve you. I knew from the beginning that he was a complete waste of your valuable time.”
I blinked. “Yeah, except for that dirty little crush you had on him, you mean.”
She blanched at the reminder. “I thought we were going to forget about that.”
“The image of the goo-goo eyes you used to make behind his back is still burned into my brain cells.”
Her cheeks reddened. “Please stop.”
I repressed a smile. “Listen, don’t worry about me. Seriously. Every day is a little easier. I hardly ever think about Thierry anymore.”
Also rehearsed. Every morning when I woke up in my bed all alone I said it to the stucco ceiling—which rarely had any critiques of my acting ability.
“Have you heard from Veronique lately?” Amy asked. “I wonder if she’s planning on swooping down and grabbing him now that you’re out of the picture.”
“Haven’t seen her lately, so I have no idea what she’s up to.”
Veronique was Thierry’s wife. Yes, the man I’d been involved with had been married for hundreds of years to a woman who was the epitome of perfection—beautiful, charming, rich, and powerful.
Their marriage was in name only. They’d been separated for more than a century before I even met Thierry. Veronique unapologetically and frequently dated men a fraction of her age and enjoyed her own life, which she lived mostly in Europe with occasional visits to
North America. There was no love there anymore between them.
Thierry had recently attempted to get an annulment from vampire contacts at the Vatican itself—apparently the only way to get out of a marriage the length of theirs—but she refused to sign the papers. She wasn’t evil, she was simply self-centered. Ending their marriage didn’t benefit her in any way so she didn’t see any logical reason to sign.
Her lightly French-accented explanation still buzzed in my ears like a swarm of Gucci-
wearing bees.
“Love has very little to do with a successful marriage, my dear.”
The memory still made my blood boil with equal parts frustration and annoyance.
Amy and I returned to the bar, and I let Jeremy down as gently as possible. He took it like a champ.
“If you ever want to hook up, give me a call.” He handed me a business card, then turned to George. “Great talking to you.”
“Yeah, you, too,” George agreed as Jeremy walked away. Then he gave me a dirty look.
“Big mistake, Sarah. He was H-O-T. He actually made working in Human Resources sound like fun. Which I cannot imagine it actually is.”
“Sounds like you liked him.”
“Well… I was getting a vibe.”
I handed him the business card. “He’s all yours.”
“Thanks!” He smiled at me. “Now I totally forgive you for spilling your nasty dollar-store shampoo on my carpet yesterday.”
I frowned and absently itched my scalp. I couldn’t help it if I was on a strict budget as the remainder of my meager savings trickled away like cheap shower gel down the drain. Hair doesn’t clean itself, after all.
Thankfully, the drinks tonight were on Amy’s tab. I couldn’t eat solid food without yakking, but for some reason mixed drinks didn’t bother me at all. Along with not having a reflection—definitely one of my least favorite parts of my new life—I racked that up to unexplainable phenomena.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’d been on a crash course to learn as much about vampires as I could. Counting on other people to guide me was unreliable at best, dangerous at worst. I’d learned that the hard way. The Internet, however, was a vast resource. As soon as I broke through the crusty covering of popular myths, everything I needed to know about real vampire culture was right there at my fingertips.
I might be getting carpal tunnel syndrome and becoming a fanged computer geek, but at least I was getting educated. Better late than never.