When Max, 99 and Dr. Medulla reached the operating room, the patient, the human robot, was already there. He had been transferred from the stretcher to the operating table.
“If you don’t mind,” Max said to Dr. Medulla, “I would like to consult in private with my nurse.”
“I don’t mind,” Dr. Medulla replied. “What does your nurse think about it?”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” 99 smiled. “But what do the other doctors think about it?”
“We’d better poll them,” Dr. Medulla said. He addressed the other doctors, and the other nurses, who were collected around the operating table. “The motion has been made-” he began.
“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Max broke in. “As I recall, according to the Geneva Convention, a doctor has a right to consult with his nurse in private no matter what anyone else thinks.” He signalled to 99. “Over here, nurse,” he said, moving toward a secluded corner of the operating room.
When they were alone, Max said, “99, before I begin this operation, there’s one question. How, exactly, do you perform an operation?”
“Max! I thought you knew!”
“Well, I have a general idea. I know you open the patient up, and sort of rummage around inside. And, too, I know you say ‘scaffold’ a lot. But-”
“Not ‘scaffold,’ Max. You say ‘scalpel.’ ”
“Oh. Well, ‘scaffold’ was close. Probably no one would have noticed.”
“Max, a scaffold is a temporary structure erected against a wall to support workmen. A scalpel is a knife. I think someone might have noticed the error.”
“All right, I’ll remember-scalpel, scalpel, scalpel. There now, it’s etched in my mind.”
“Max, are you really going through with this?” 99 said. “You don’t know the first thing about surgery.”
“Yes, I do,” Max replied. “The first thing is: have a sharp knife. It’s the second, third, fourth, fifth and so on things that I don’t know the first thing about. But I have no choice, 99. We have to stall-until we can shake these KAOS people and plant the explosive.”
“All right, Max. But… I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“You ought to be thankful, 99, that I don’t know what I’m doing. If I knew what I was doing, I’d be so shaky I probably couldn’t hold a scaffold.”
“ Scalpel, Max!”
“Oh, yes-scalpel, scalpel, scalpel. I must remember that.”
“Doctor…” Dr. Medulla called. “The patient is ready.”
Max and 99 walked to the operating table.
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” Max said to the human robot.
The human, robot turned to Dr. Medulla. “He’s stalling,” he said. “I demand my operation.”
“Stop stalling,” Dr. Medulla said to Max. “The patient demands his operation.”
Max turned to a nurse. “Stop stalling,” he said. “The patient demands his operation.”
“What am I doing?” the nurse replied, surprised. “I’m just standing here.”
“She admits it-she’s stalling,” Max said to Dr. Medulla.
“Stop stalling, nurse,” Dr. Medulla said to the nurse. “Instead of just standing there, prepare the doctor for the operation.”
The nurse popped a white cap onto Max’s head. “Hold out your hands,” she said.
Max extended his hands, and she slipped a pair of rubber gloves onto them. Next, she tied a mask around his face. “You’re ready, Doctor,” she said.
“I may be ready,” Max replied, “but I feel a little silly. Do I really need these gloves and this mask?”
“They’re essential,” Dr. Medulla insisted.
“Are you sure? Has anybody really thought this out? Just why is it so essential that I wear a mask and rubber gloves?”
“Because, after the operation, we’re all going out and rob a bank,” Dr. Medulla replied. “You’ll need the mask so you won’t be recognized and the rubber gloves so you won’t leave fingerprints on the vault.”
“Fine. That’s all I wanted, a logical explanation,” Max said. He turned to 99. “Are my instruments ready, nurse?”
“What instruments, Max?”
“In the black bag, nurse.”
“Oh. Oh, yes, Doctor.”
“Is the Super Boom ready for the implant?” Max said to Dr. Medulla.
Dr. Medulla held up a small metal box. “Here it is,” he said. “Cute, isn’t it?”
“Cute as a mid-air collision,” Max replied.
“He’s stalling,” the human robot complained.
“Don’t rush me!” Max snapped.
“Sorry,” the human robot replied. “But it’s my first operation, you know.”
“It’s my first operation, too,” Max said. “But you don’t see me going all to pieces about it.”
“Stop stalling,” Dr. Medulla said.
“All right, here we go,” Max announced. “And, as we proceed, if anyone has any suggestions to make, please speak up. This is a democratic operation. Criticism is welcome.” He extended a hand toward 99. “Scaffold!” he barked.
There was silence in the operating room.
“Well, nurse,” Dr. Medulla said to 99, “hand the doctor a temporary structure erected against a wall to support workers.”
Max chuckled. “Oh… did I say ‘scaffold’? I meant scalpel, nurse.”
99 reached into the bag, then handed Max an instrument. It looked like a flashlight.
“Well, tough luck,” Max smiled. “I guess we’ll have to delay the operation until I can get my scaffold sharpened.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Dr. Medulla said. “Use the zipper, Doctor.”
“The zipper?”
“The zipper!” the human robot said disgustedly. He zipped himself open, from throat to navel, revealing his internal mechanism. “Stop stalling!”
Max stared. Inside, the human robot looked like the interior of a watch. “So, that’s where that ticking was coming from,” he said, relieved.
“Here’s the Super Boom, Doctor,” Dr. Medulla said, handing the metal box toward Max.
“Who’s in charge of this operation!” Max snapped. “When I want the Super Boom, Doctor, I’ll ask for it. Don’t you know anything about surgery? The first rule is, before you put anything in, you first have to take something out!”
“I forgot,” Dr. Medulla replied, withdrawing the Super Boom.
Max peered thoughtfully at the human robot’s mechanism. “Let’s see
… what shall we take out? Something about the size of a small metal box. Ah… here we are-”
“Not that!” the human robot protested.
“Why not? It’s the perfect size.”
“That’s my transistor radio,” the human robot said.
“If that’s your transistor radio, then I think I’ve found your trouble,” Max said. “It’s in the wrong place. Isn’t it supposed to be attached to your ear?”
“It’s in there so I can keep both hands free,” the robot explained.
“Oh.” Max inspected the mechanism again. “This may partly be the solution,” he said. “If I take out this tuning fork and put in a safety pin, that will save a little space. Then if I take out… yes, I think this is the way to do it. I’ll remove some of these larger items, and put in smaller items, and the space that is saved can be used to hold the Super Boom.”
“Brilliant!” Dr. Medulla said. “I knew we had the right doctor!”
“It seems to be working out,” the human robot said grudgingly. “But there for a while I thought he was stalling.”
“These things take thought,” Max said.
“Stop stalling!” the human robot grumbled.
Max removed a part and handed it to 99. “Something smaller,” he ordered.
She handed him an item from the black bag. And Max fitted it into place.
“Can’t you hurry?” the human robot complained. “It’s no fun lying here with my zipper open.”
“I’m operating as fast as I can,” Max replied irritably. “If you don’t like the way I’m doing it, you can get up from that table and operate on yourself.”
“If you don’t stop stalling, I will!” the robot growled.
Max worked more quickly. The parts flew. Out of the human robot came bits and pieces of mechanism, and into the human robot went items from the black bag. Finally, Max stepped back from the table, exhausted.
“There we are,” he sighed. “Now, all there is left to do is the closing.” He addressed Dr. Medulla. “Would you like to zip the zipper, Doctor?”
“Haven’t you forgotten something?” Dr. Medulla smiled.
“I don’t think so. There seems to be plenty of room in there for the Super Boom now.”
“The implant,” Dr. Medulla said. “You haven’t placed the Super Boom inside the human robot.”
“Oh… that…”
Dr. Medulla handed the Super Boom to Max.
“Now then…” Max said, bending over the human robot.
At that moment, the operating room door opened.
“Shut that door!” Max cried. “Do you want to let a lot of germs in!”
“Impostor!” a voice shouted.
Max looked up. The others looked around.
In the doorway was a large man with a small black bag.
“Who are you?” Dr. Medulla asked puzzledly.
“I am the doctor!” the man replied. “I am here to perform the operation!”
“You’re late,” Max said. “The operation is over. But, leave your card. If another operation ever comes up, we’ll call you.”
“Impostor!” the man shrieked.
“If you’re the doctor,” Dr. Medulla said to the man, “why are you so late?”
“My car was stopped,” the man replied. “There’s a helicopter blocking the road.”
“A likely story,” Max scoffed.
“I can prove I’m the doctor,” the man said. “Look-here is my little black bag!”
“But he has a little black bag, too,” Dr. Medulla said, indicating Max.
“My little black bag is blacker than his little black bag!” the man raged.
Dr. Medulla looked at Max’s little black bag, then at the man’s little black bag. “I think you’re right,” he said. “Your little black bag is blacker than his little black bag,” he said.
“Yes,” Max pointed out, “but my little black bag is littler than his little black bag.”
Dr. Medulla looked at both of the little black bags again. “That’s true,” he admitted. “Your little black bag is littler than his little black bag.”
“Is somebody going to zip me up?” the human robot complained.
“Not yet,” Max said. “I think I left my scaffold inside.”
“Ha-hah!” the man cried. “There is the proof! He is an impostor! He doesn’t know a scrample from a scaffold!”
“That did it!” Dr. Medulla shouted. He reached across the table and ripped the mask from Max’s face. “You’re unmasked!” he said.
“Aren’t you being a little hasty?” Max protested. “How can you be sure? Maybe that other fellow is the impostor.”
“No, I’m positive,” Dr. Medulla replied. “The impostor is always the one who gets unmasked. And, since the other fellow isn’t wearing a mask… well, you see how it works out.”
“I’ll accept that,” Max replied. He turned to 99. “What was it you said earlier?”
“When, Max?”
“When we were in the examining room.”
“Oh. I said, ‘Let’s run, Max!’ ”
“That’s it. I knew there was a way out of this situation. All right, 99-let’s run!”
Max grabbed up the black satchel and he and 99 raced from the room.
“Stop them!” the human robot cried. “I’m still unzipped!”
Max and 99 dashed down a corridor.
Behind them, they heard running, and voices crying, “Halt! Stop!”
“This is the chase,” Max said to 99.
“I know, Max.”
“As far as I’m concerned, it’s the best part of the whole adventure,” Max said. “The ‘before’ and the ‘after’ are sometimes a little dull, but the chase is always exciting.”
“I feel that way about it, too, Max. I always look forward to the chase.”
“I think we’re coming to the part where we duck into a room and elude our pursuers,” Max said.
“You’re right, Max! Look! There’s a door right up ahead!”
“Quick, 99! Inside!”
Max whipped open the door and he and 99 charged into the room.
“Ah! Safe!” Max breathed.
“Not yet, Max. You forgot to close the door.”
“Oh… yes,” Max said, closing the door.
They heard running outside in the corridor, and cries of “Halt! Stop!” Then the sounds passed.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted,” Max said, a little disappointed.
“Max, what do we do now?” 99 asked.
“Well, first we plant the explosive. Then we slip out of the hospital unnoticed. Then we board the helicopter. Then we return to Headquarters and receive our medals. Or, at the very least, we receive a ‘job well done’ from the Chief. But this time, 99, I’m hoping for a medal.”
“Where will we plant the explosive, Max?”
Max looked around the room. “Very clever,” he said. “This room is outfitted like a real hospital room. Anyone making an inspection would think that that’s exactly what it was.”
“What’s so clever about that, Max?”
“It’s clever because this isn’t really a hospital. It’s a place where KAOS conducts secret medical experiments. It’s what I would call
… well, a… a, uh… well, sort of a hospital. Come to think of it, I guess it isn’t so clever after all.”
“Max, hadn’t we better hurry? Those KAOS agents will realize soon that they lost us, and they’ll come back, looking for us.”
“Good thinking, 99. Now, let’s see where can we plant the explosive pellet?”
“In a drawer in that metal bedside table, Max?”
“No. People are always opening drawers. Especially drawers that don’t belong to them.”
“Under the mattress, Max?”
“No. People are always looking under mattresses. They think that’s where other people hide their money.”
“In that vase of flowers, Max?”
“No. The nurses are always throwing all the flowers out.”
“Then, Max, I don’t-”
“99! I have it. We’ll plant the pellet in that water decanter!”
“But, Max-”
“It’s the perfect place,” Max insisted, going to the table that held the water bottle. “In a hospital, no one ever pays any attention to the water decanters. Except the patients, who are always trying to get water out of them. And, in this hospital, there are no patients.”
“Maybe you’re right, Max.”
“Of course I am,” Max said, opening the black satchel. “Now, I’ll just get a pellet, and-99… where is the packet of pellets?”
“Isn’t it in the bag, Max?”
“If it were in the bag, 99, would I be asking?”
“Oh, Max! You mean-”
“99, the packet is gone!”
“Oh, Max, then we’ve failed!”
Max sighed heavily. “Yes, 99, I’m afraid-” He suddenly brightened. “As a matter of fact, no,” he smiled. “We haven’t failed, 99. Our mission is completed.”
“Max, what do you mean?”
“Remember the operation, 99? Remember when I was taking parts out of the human robot, and you were handing me other parts to put back in? Well, I noticed that one of the parts you handed me looked a lot like a packet of green peas. I said to myself at the time, ‘I wonder why 99 is handing me this packet of green peas?’ But, there was so much confusion, I didn’t have the opportunity to ask you about it.”
“Max, then-”
“Exactly, 99! Those pellets have been planted in the human robot!”
“Then our mission is completed, Max!”
“I think that’s what I said, 99.” He picked up the black satchel and he headed for the door. “Let’s get out of here. I can almost feel that medal pinned on my chest already. It stings. I think the Chief pinned it right onto my skin.”
“Max-wait!”
“Well, what is it, 99?” Max asked, halting.
“Our mission isn’t completed, Max. Not while that human robot still exists. Max, we have a duty to the world. We have to destroy that robot.”
“I don’t see why, 99,” Max frowned. “The Chief didn’t say anything about that when he sent us out on this mission.”
“But he didn’t know about the human robot, Max. If he had, I’m sure he would have told us to destroy it. Max, think! The fate of the whole world depends on our destroying not only the human robot, but the Super Boom, too.”
Max smiled. “Oh, is that what you were getting at? You’re worried about the Super Boom, is that it? I thought you just had it in for that robot. 99, there’s no problem. The Super Boom is no longer a factor.”
“But, Max, it’s implanted inside the robot!”
“Of course it is. But our pellets are implanted inside the robot, too. Don’t you see? 99, when we get back to Headquarters, the Chief will punch that button that’s on his desk-remember? And the button will detonate the pellets. When the pellets explode, the KAOS installations will be blasted to bits. And, one of the KAOS installations is this hospital. Consequently, the Super Boom, which is planted inside the robot, which will be blasted to bits, will be destroyed in the explosion. Now, do you see?”
“I lost you, Max, back where the Chief punched the button.”
“Then will you take my word for it, 99?”
“I guess I’ll have to, Max. I’m sure I’d never be able to understand your explanation.”
“All right, now, let’s run for it, 99.”
Max opened the door a crack and peeked out. “All clear,” he whispered.
They slipped out of the room and moved cautiously down the corrider.
“Which way is the way out, Max?” 99 asked. “I can’t remember.”
“Just follow me,” Max replied. “I have an unerring instinct for this sort of thing.” He pointed. “See that door there? That’s the way out.”
“Are you sure, Max?”
“99, will you please trust my instinct,” Max said, quietly opening the door. “It has never failed me-”
Max and 99 suddenly found themselves face to face with their pursuers, who were on the other side of the door, in consultation, trying to figure out which way Max and 99 had gone.
“Stop!” Dr. Medulla cried.
Max slammed the door. “Run, 99!”
Max and 99 raced down the corridor.
Behind them they heard running. Voices shouted. “Stop! Halt!”
“I think your instinct needs adjusting, Max,” 99 said.
“Don’t be a needler, 99,” Max grumbled. “Nobody likes a needler.”