After they got back to the hood, Blass told K to drop him off at his girls crib. Blass was still trippin after K told him how the situation unfolded in the club.
“Yo Mat. You a crazy bitch ma! I always knew you had some gangsta in you cause you fucks wit my man…but dam! You blew shorty whole face open!”
Mattie gave Blass an evil stare from the backseat, but didn’t respond. She knew he was just clownin’. After Blass was dropped off they hit the highway. As they drove westbound on the L.I.E. headed towards the city, she was quiet. There was so much to say, but it was like neither one of them knew where to start. It didn’t help K’s thought process that she was still wearing the outfit she’d performed in. Dam she’s sexy, he thought.
“Man what the hell happened to you? You just up and disappeared after you moved otta my parents crib. I was fucked up worrying about you,” K said.
Now she did finally look him square in his eyes. If K hadn’t seen the pain before, he saw it now in the tears welling up in her eyes.
“You were fucked up? You…were…fucked…up?! Niggah, I was homeless, lonely, broke, and extremely confused about my life and future. You know me better than anybody and you know I don’t like to depend on nobody for shit! I put all my faith and trust in you, and your so called peoples break in our house and steal every dime you had stashed for our future. You knew I wasn’t gonna be no broke hungry bitch and I don’t sell drugs. So basically I’ve just been surviving the best way I know how. It was never my intention to hurt you. I loved you and you were always good to me,” said Mattie clearly distraught.
Now it was his turn to be speechless. Her reality had been something that he had selfishly overlooked. The silence between them was deafening. He chose his next words carefully as she stared out the passenger side window.
“Look. I’m sorry. I’ve only been looking at this one sided. I know that shit must have got real stressful for you. Maybe we can find somewhere we can park and talk,” he said understanding her point of view.
Mattie nodded her head quietly in agreement as they drove towards the tollbooths of the Midtown Tunnel. As the lights of the New York City skyline came into view, the realization that it was Friday night hit him.
“It should be a blunt rolled up in the ashtray if you tryin ta blow..”
Mattie had pushed in the lighter and opened the ashtray in one swift motion. A few seconds later she was taking deep, lung smashing drags of Kush. almost immediately the reality of her slashing Raven at the club hit her.
“Dam, I reeeally fucked up this time. I know that cut is gonna leave a permanent scar on her. Not to mention my home address is on file at the club from my application. The cops are definitely gonna be lookin for a bitch,” she said.
“Man, I wasn’t expecting you to do no crazy shit like that! I mean I was tryin to make you jealous, but not like that!”
“I don’t know what came over me. I know I wasn’t prepared for those emotions that attacked me when I saw her all between your legs and smiling like I used to be….I mean…” she said stumbling over her words.
She looked away ashamed.
“You gon be aight, but we gotta get somewhere and find you a sweat suit or t-shirt or sumn. I can’t stay focused with you sittinover there dressed like that,” K said seriously.
That got a smile out of her. It was almost midnight when they hit 8th Avenue and the only places open that sold clothes were tourist novelty stores. K double parked, ran in and bought Mattie an I LOVE NY shirt. After that they headed down towards Greenwich Village. They cruised up and down NYC streets expressing how they felt for a couple of hours. If this would have happened then maybe this would have happened. Or if this wouldn’t have happened, then this wouldn’t have happened. But the reality was what had happened had happened, and the past couldn’t be changed.
Finally they came to the conclusion that maybe it was at least worth attempting to rebuild the bond that the untimely incarceration had taken away from them. K could tell that Mattie had reservations about the possibility of the same sequence of events happening again. But the one thing that they understood was that they were each other’s weakness.
“Look, I got a room that I rent out in West Babylon from Jeff and Marcie. We can stay there or get a hotel room for a couple o days until we find an apartment,” he stated as they headed out of the city.
“Well I know you just came home and you lost everything when you got locked up. I don’t want to be a burden..”
“A burden?” K asked in disbelief.
“Well I know I don’t have a job anymore. Plus the police are gonna be lookin for me for that dumb shit I did.”
“Don’t worry about bread ma. This is me and you know how I boogie. Aint shit change. You just gonna lay low for a couple weeks til this shit blow ova. I mean it aint like they gonna put out a APB on you for cutting a bitch.”
Mattie had always been cautious and one of the reasons that they connected so well was because K wasn’t reckless when it came to shit involving the police. Plus K had a sweet connect with the Nigerians on the fake ID’s and passports. They found their resting place for the night in Queens, off the Grand Central Parkway at the Parson’s Blvd. exit. After pulling into the parking lot of the hotel K went and paid for the room. When he returned with the key they went to the second floor and entered the room.
“You get comfortable and relax while I run over to Supthin Blvd and grab sumn to blow,” said K.
She went in the room and turned to face him in the doorway. Mattie pulled K close and stared directly in his eyes.
“Baby, please don’t leave me lost again,” she said giving him a long passionate kiss.
Once they separated, K reached in his pocket and pulled out the $taxxx of bills he had taken with him to the club. K removed the rubber band and opened it to the middle. He removed five big faces and handed her the rest.
“That’s just in case sumn happens to me,” he stated sincerely.
“Just hurry up. I’m gonna take a shower and I’ll be here waiting for you,” she said taking the wad of cash.
She understood the message in the gesture; implying that he would take every precaution to make sure she was OK as long as she was willing to put faith back in him. The truth was, K was a good dude with resentments against a chosen few and attempting to reclaim the woman that he felt was his. He felt like niggahs he made sure ate, were dead wrong to shit on him. This changed his perception of the two terminologies love and friend. Now they owed him and he would get what was due. As K hopped into the rental to go cop the trees, he remembered the words his man 40 ounce Rich had told him about Mattie and that Haitian dude Dutty.
“Yeah she was up in the BLACK HERITAGE CLUB drunk as shit and went in the bathroom with Dutty. They were in there for about a half hour. Niggahs kept bangin on the door and shit but it was locked. You already know what was up,” 40 had said.
It was just another one of those life lessons that K would learn the hard way. You don’t ask questions that you really don’t want the answers to.
“So what happened when they came out the bathroom?” K asked.
“They both came out laughing and left together,” said 40 confirming K’s worst conclusion. The imagination is a unique and sometimes vicious animal, and mixed with an emotional visual can plant a seed that roots and meshes with your soul. As K drove the rental he did battle with conflicting emotions.
At a time when most where asleep, Supthin Blvd was alive and poppin with late night activity. In an area as heavily burdened with crime as this part of Queens, you would think that there would be at the very minimum some police presence. K pulled up on the strip and parked behind two brand new S 550 Mercedes Benz sedans. One was money green. The other was fish scale white. From the looks of things, the weed biz wasn’t doing too badly. K went in and copped four bags and a box of dutchess. While exiting the store he heard the distinct sound of gunfire off in the distance a few blocks away. Another life probably ended. More than likely over what many labeled the root of all evil. Sliding into the rental and pulling away from the curb, K wistfully pondered what an uncertain future held for him.
After K left the hotel room Mattie rushed over and picked up the hotel phone and dialed her sister Reebie. When Mattie heard the call go to the answering machine she was going to hang up but decided to leave a message.
“Hi Reebie… man I fucked up big this time… I really need to talk to you. I’m at a hotel in Queens with Kevin. Call me at this number as soon as you get this message. 718-“
“Hey, hold up girl… with Kevin? What happened I thought you were done fucking with him?” Stated Reebie. The joking sarcasm was clear in her voice.
“Not now bitch, I’m really going through something, “said Mattie making it clear that she wasn’t up for Reebie clowning her for going back on her word. They talked for the next ten minutes and Mattie filled Reebie in on all the events that happened, from her losing her I.D.; all the way up to Blass shooting up the club. Reebie had gone to middle school and high school with Pook and Blass so she already knew that they were loose cannons.
“So what you going to do,” Reebie inquired worried about her big sister.
“I’m just gonna play it by ear and see how it plays out. You know I love this niggah but a bitch aint trying to be hurt no more for real.”
“Well do you want to meet me somewhere so I can bring you some clothes?”
“I’ll call you in the morning and let you know something more definite. I really need to know if and when the police come looking for me. So answer the dam phone! If you wasn’t giving pussy away and turning them niggas out like that, you wouldn’t have to screen all your calls, “said Mattie.
“I’m a dickaholic! I need counseling!” said Reebie half joking-half serious.
“You are terrible hoe, but I love you. I’ll call you tomorrow “said Mattie and ended the conversation.
Mattie rose from the bed, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. She smiled reminiscing back to the times when she would take long hot passion filled showers with K and how happy she felt whenever they were together. She caught her reflection in the mirror and had to admit that she hadn’t smiled that genuine smile in a long time. Fuck it she thought you only live once. She thought of all the twists and turns life had taken her through at such a young age. Life was the sum total of the experiences that one goes through up until the present. She really wanted to be happy but the main thought that controlled her subconscious was do I deserve to be happy? This subliminal was deeply rooted in the misplaced humiliation of the sexual abuse that she had been subjected to as a young girl.
Still it was good to see that smile again. She decided to make the best of the circumstances. After removing the little bit of clothing she was wearing, Mattie stepped into the steamy shower. She stood under the hot water and let stream relax her. Ten minutes later she was lying on the bed with a towel wrapped around her watching television.
By the time K had pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, he had run through all the possible scenarios that could result in attempting to rebuild their relationship. At the very worst he figured they would go on with their separate lives. But in the best case, if he could get past his feelings of betrayal, it would be the reuniting of Bonnie and Clyde. Once he finally reached the hotel room door he realized that who he had constantly reflected upon and dreamed about being with during his incarceration was about to be reality. The fact that they were both freaks in the bedroom, only enhanced the reality that there wasn’t any fantasy that Mattie hadn’t been willing to fulfill for her man.
When he opened the hotel room door he saw Mattie lying on the bed in the dark, with the exception of the light from the TV. It wasn’t one of those super cheap fuck motels that NY had many of, but it wasn’t the Waldorf Astoria either. Once he pulled the trees out and sat them on the desk with the blunts, he turned around and noticed that Mattie was fighting to stay awake. He definitely wanted to get some of what he’d been missing, but he really wasn’t trying to rock like that.
“You look real tired ma.”
“No really, I’m cool,’ she said making a weak attempt to keep her eyes open.
K kicked off his Tims, removed his shirt, and lay beside Mattie.
“Come here,“ he stated offering his bare chest as her pillow.
She immediately made her way to her familiar resting place. As she snuggled against K’s large frame, he instinctively began running his fingers through her long thick hair, massaging her scalp.
“Dam niggah, I’ve missed you so much, “ stated a quickly fading to sleep Mattie.
“I missed you too baby, “ he said softly kissing her forehead as she fell asleep. “ I missed you too.”
Two weeks passed by quickly. K was beginning to bubble his clientele and workload at a pace that he never would have predicted. He felt that it wasn’t really a good idea to lay up in a spot with Mattie and all his work at Jeff and Marcy’s house. He found a one bedroom in a nice secluded area in Wheatley Heights and moved Mattie in with him. That had been a week earlier. Now as he stood in front of James Barber Shop talking to his boy Darkside, they watched as a white Volvo with Pennsylvania tags pulled into the Jamaican food takeout joint across the street.
“Oh shit, I know that aint that niggah skulls, “Dante said to K.
“Yeah that’s that funny lookin muhfuckah,”K responded.
Dante was a wild young stick- up kid that K watched grow up and terrorize the town with his crew as a juvenile. Darkside had just come home from an up north New York State prison two days earlier.
“What up my niggahs? Like my new whip? “Skulls asked.
K and Dante knew he was fronting his ass off.
“Nah I’m frontin, that a fiend’s car but I’m getting one just like it,” said Skulls when he saw their facial expressions. They knew he was lying.
“When you get home Dante? I thought you was supposed to get out next year, “ said Skulls.
“The Parole board let me out early. I been on some chill shit. I’m trying to get some money, fuck the dumb shit. You see who I’m wit,” said Dante.
“Well you dam sure wit the right niggah. Yo K what up wit Va?” asked Skulls.
“I’m just $tackin right now. It really don’t make no sense to go OT (outta town) unless a niggah got something heavy. Feel me? What up out in Philly?”
“I aint in Philly. I’m in a spot called Allentown. That shit is poppin too. I’m tryna to cop something if you got some work. I had to come out here to see my sister Sha-sha,” said Skulls.
K had known Skulls for a long time. He knew Skulls to be one of the younger go getters to come up in the hood, and if Skulls got his mind right he could probably stack some real paper.
“Yeah I got you fam. I’m next in the chair to get a cut. After that we can go and handle that, “said K.
After K went into the Barbershop, Skulls and Dante started to chop it up.
“Yo Skulls who them chicks over there in the car? “asked Darkside when he peeped Skulls wasn’t alone.
“They just some shorty’s I brought wit me to hold my work on the way back down the highway. You know the game. Some sneakers, some trees, and some dick and some hoes will do anything, “answered Skulls laughing.
“Dam sun the bitches don’t look like no bitches around here. Themmuhfuckas is official,“said Dante.
“Oh niggah don’t get it twisted. It aint nothing but fine ass hoes out there.”
“They just love N.Y. niggahs “said Skulls.
By now the three girls that were riding with Skulls had gotten out of the car and were standing in the parking lot stretching their legs. Darkside was in scheme mode now. K had already told him he would throw him something to get on his feet when he was ready. He thought now; that he just might be ready.
“Yo Skulls, If I went back with you and took something with me, would you show me where I could get it off?” asked Darkside.
“Niggah it’s so much paper out there that I come to N.Y. every other day. It’s only a hour and fifteen minutes from the Holland Tunnel up I-78. If yo crazy ass came back with me, I would even help you get rid of yo shit first.”
The two Puerto Ricans and one slanted eye dark skinned honey made their way across the street. It was only a few cats out on the block grinding, but they were immediately aware of the outta town cutey.
“Cindy fucked up the blunt tryin to be fast yo, “Shira the dark skinned chick said to Skulls.
“That shit was stale as fuck. It wasn’t my fault, my rolling skills is tight, “responded Cindy in her defense.
“Aight aight, here. Go in the store and buy some more, “ said Skulls handing Shira a ten dollar bill of his re-up money.
They quickly went into the store, switching their asses in tight jeans loving all the attention. As soon as K came out of the Barbershop getting his cut, Darkside told him about his idea to go to PA with Skulls. As K pondered the idea two of the most crooked and shiesty uniformed patrol cops cruised by slowly ice grillin him and Dark conversing. RAT MAN and FATFACE had been accurately described by the nicknames given to them by niggahs in the hood. They were some funny looking muthafuckas, but any run-in with these two was anything but comedy. They had been known to take niggahs drugs and money, lock dudes up for drugs that wasn’t theirs, and had even gone as far as to give false testimony in cases when dudes went to trial.
They had a vendetta against K and a crew of money getting niggahs that he use to roll with called The 149 posse. This was the first time K had seen RAT and FAT since he’s been home and it made him a little uncomfortable.
“Yo lets roll out. Tell Skulls to follow us in the rental, I need to talk to you one on one,” K said to Dark.
As K was getting in the rental with Dante he noticed the chicks that were with skulls, coming out of the store headed to the Volvo.
“Damn! Them cuties is wit dat niggah Skulls? “K asked Dark.
“Yeah and he said it’s plenty more where they came from.”
After they were in the rental K thought about the real reason that he had left town going to Virginia the year before. RAT and FAT had pulled him over in his Acura Legend one night and told him that they were gonna make it their business to send him away for a long time. K took that threat seriously because he had seen them do it to a few other hustlers. So K had packed up, shut down everything, snatched up Mattie and bounced. Now when things seemed to be going well, he was faced with what he knew had the potential to be the same situation.
“I don’t know how much dough Skulls is spending, but what do you feel comfortable taking with you?” K asked Dark ready to break new ground in unfamiliar territory.
“Shit K, it don’t matter. I’m really on some money shit. Whatever you send I’m bringing back everything to the pot,” said Dark.
K wasn’t sure what was too much and what was not enough, so he sent Dark to PA with four and a half ounces. After he took care of Skulls and Dante he figured he would lay low. At the very least until RAT and FAT changed shifts. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten about them and now he had to include them in the equation of how he would maneuver.