Out in the parking lot, as we got in Leonard’s car, he said, “To Marvin, we are nothing more than a couple of minions. Carrier pigeons to carry messages and bring messages back. Slaves to his judgment. Faces in the crowd.”
“You’ve had way too much coffee,” I said.
“I do feel a little itchy, like my nerves could jerk a decorative knot in my dick. But, minions though we may be, it beats honest work.”
“Actually, we don’t seem to do much, just find out about dead people,” I said.
“And in your case, you even found one that’s fresher than the rest.”
“He wasn’t all that fresh.”
“Since the others, the vampires, are all in the ground,” Leonard said. “He was the lily of the bunch.”
“Ha! If they’re vampires, they may not be in the ground.”
“Oh, you are wise.”
When we were well situated in the car, seat-belted in and hoping it would start, Leonard said, “I’m confused.”
“About what?”
“Who do we annoy next? We have a list, but… who?”
“I vote Cason Statler,” I said.
“Why?”
“Because we can.”
“Now you’re startin’ to sound like yourself,” Leonard said.
But I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t even close.
The drive over to Camp Rapture was nice because it was a pretty day. The rain had cleared up and the sun was out, and the car was a little warm inside. We wheeled to the Camp Rapture Report, the newspaper Cason worked for, and went inside.
Cason was sitting at his desk in the middle of the newspaper office. There were other reporters around, but fewer than I had imagined. There was also an advertising department. One of the women who worked there was overweight and frumpy with pissblonde hair that looked to have been made by electricity and a sense of humor. She was wearing a too-short top that showed a lot of belly and a silver belly ring. She had on shorts that showed way too much ass and on the ass was a tattoo that looked like something an arthritic chicken had scratched in the dirt while dying.
My take is you can dress any way you want, but my amendment to that is that you have to have mirrors at your house, and you have to use them, and you must not lie to yourself about what they show.
“Damn,” I said. “I think my right eye just went dead.”
“Wishful thinking,” Leonard said.
“Oh, the humanity.”
Cason looked up from his work, saw us, stopped typing, and watched as we approached his desk. There was one spare chair, and I took it. Leonard put his hip against the side of Cason’s desk. All three of us looked at the woman in advertising with the too-little clothes and the too-much flesh.
“I try to forget she’s over there,” Cason said, “and then I get my mind off forgetting, and look up, and there she is, and I’m wounded all over again.”
I said, “Does she actually sell any advertising?”
“She threatens to take the shorts off if they don’t buy any,” Cason said.
“Ouch,” Leonard said.
“She’s the curse of the newspaper,” Cason said. “The editor is starting a dress code just to get some clothes on her. The flyer went out today from the boss saying we got to dress nicer, and a certain way. Normally I’m against dress codes. I think it violates our civil rights, but in Carrie’s case, I’m going to make an exception. You got to think of the children. Small animals. Our way of life. The planet earth.”
“If you’re through insulting the poor woman,” I said, “is there a place where we can talk private?” I said.
“The break room.”
Our trip to the break room was short. By the time we had gotten bad coffee in Styrofoam cups and told what we knew to Cason, we were being shuffled away. Cason followed us out to the car. He said, “There’s this guy works here, does research, Mercury is his last name, he can find something about anything. I’m gonna put him on this.”
“Really?” Leonard said. “His name is Mercury?”
“Really,” Cason said. “He lives for research, and anything to do with something odd, that’s his meat. Dumb-asses who think they’re vampires, that’s odd and he’ll like it, and he’ll research them until he falls over dead. I’ll talk to him and see if he can get on it.”
“You seem quick to shuffle us off.”
“Got a lunch date.”
“With a lady?” I said.
“None of your business,” he said, got in his car, and drove away.