It was late evening when the special plane landed Max, 99 and V. T. Brattleboro on the West Coast. As the Chief had promised, a helicopter was waiting. They boarded it and it immediately took off, headed for the island.
“You’ll find some survival kits there by your seats,” the helicopter pilot told them. “The kits contain everything you’ll need to survive in the jungle-theoretically, at least. Personally, if I were going to be dropped in a jungle, I’d rather have a good fast getaway car.”
“Couldn’t you drop us somewhere near the castle?” Max suggested.
“My orders are to drop you as far away from the castle as possible,” the pilot replied. “I said to them, ‘But they’ll never survive-they’ll be eaten alive by savage jungle animals, or they’ll succumb to thirst or hunger or the unbearable heat.’ But they had an answer for that.”
“What was it?” 99 inquired.
“They said I tend to exaggerate.”
“How far is it to the island?” Max said.
“About a thousand feet-straight down,” the pilot replied. “We’re over it now.”
Max looked out the window. “I don’t see a thing.”
“It’s one of those old-fashioned unlighted jungles,” the pilot explained.
A few moments later, the helicopter settled down in a small clearing. The pilot switched off the engine, then Max, 99 and V. T. Brattleboro jumped down to the ground, carrying their survival kits.
“That’s amazing,” Max said to the pilot. “You found this tiny clearing in total darkness! How did you do it?”
“I have the eyes of a cat,” the pilot replied. “I can see for miles in absolute blackness. Once, for instance, standing in Los Angeles, in the middle of the night, I looked east and saw that the beacon on the Empire State Building in New York was out.”
“Fantastic!” Max said.
“At least, I guess it was out. I couldn’t see it, anyway.”
The pilot started the engine. “Good luck with those survival kits!” he called. “Boy, you’ll sure need it!”
The helicopter rose, then disappeared into the night.
Max looked around. “I wonder where we are on the island?” he said. He squinted. “All I can see is what looks like the shapes of a bunch of palm trees.”
“I hear something,” 99 said.
“Yes-so do I. It sounds like. . gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. There must be a stream somewhere nearby. Either that, or-Brattleboro? Are you, by any chance, strangling?”
There was no reply.
“Brattleboro!” Max called.
Again, no answer.
“99, where is Brattleboro?” Max asked.
“I don’t know, Max. The last time I saw him was when we jumped down from the plane. He must be-Max, his survival kit is missing too! I think he’s deserted us.”
“99, that’s ridiculous. We’re working together. He probably just-”
A shot rang out! A bullet zinged past Max’s ear!
“Down!” Max shouted, flattening himself against the ground.
“He’s trying to kill us!” 99 cried.
“Wouldn’t you know it? Once a KAOS man, always a KAOS man!”
Another shot rang out. A bullet hit near them.
“Shoot back, Max!”
“At what, 99? I don’t have the eyes of a cat.” He raised himself on his elbows, peering into the pitch blackness. “Although, I can see that the beacon on the Empire State Building is out again.”
“The survival kit, Max-maybe it has a flashlight.”
Max zipped open his kit. “Yes, I think. . You’re right, 99. Here’s a flashlight.”
“Shield the light, Max. Don’t let Brattleboro see it.”
Max switched on the light, but kept a hand cupped around the beam. “Let’s see, now, what I can find in this kit,” he said. “It seems to contain a number of tiny capsules. Here’s a capsule of scrambled eggs. . good. . and a capsule of parsley. . very good. . and a capsule of fresh water, thirty-seven gallons. . excellent. . and a capsule of. . ah, here’s what we want, 99-a capsule of collapsible machine gun!”
“How will that help, Max?”
“Well, it would be pointless to fire into the darkness with a pistol, when I can’t see Brattleboro. But with a machine gun I can spray the whole area with bullets and perhaps, if luck is with me, hit him by sheer accident.”
“I suppose it’s worth a try,” 99 said.
Max broke open the capsule and a full-size machine gun popped out. Gripping it tautly, he jumped to his feet. “This is it, Brattleboro!” he shouted. He began firing, turning slowly in a circle. Bullets tore into the trees and underbrush. And the trees, sliced away at the base, began falling.
“Max! Watch out! That tree!”
He dived out of the way just in time. Then, leaping to his feet again, he began firing once more. To the right, the trees fell! To the left, the trees fell!
“Max! Stop!” 99 cried. “You’ll get us killed.”
He lowered the machine gun. “99, you don’t seem to understand. I’m trying to get Brattleboro, not us.”
“But, Max, you’ve leveled all the trees already!”
Max looked around. “I guess I have, haven’t I? Well, that takes care of the man from KAOS.”
“How can you be sure, Max?”
“99, remember when we first met Brattleboro? He was posing as a painting. This time, unless I miss my guess, he was posing as a tree. And, as you just pointed out, all the trees are now lying flat on the ground. We’re safe!”
“Max. .” 99 said, looking worried. “Remember that gurgle, gurgle, gurgle? Listen-”
Max cocked an ear. “Yes, I see what you mean. It’s become a sort of brogum, brogum, brogum-and much louder.”
“Flash the light over in that direction, Max.”
He aimed the beam of the flashlight at the spot that 99 had indicated. They saw that a number of the trees had fallen across a stream.
“Max-the stream is dammed.”
“99! Watch your language, please!”
“No, Max, I mean the trees are stopping the water from flowing along the stream bed. That could be dangerous. It could cause a flood. If the dam breaks, all that water that’s building up behind the trees could-”
“99,” Max interrupted, “I think you have a tendency to exaggerate. Forget about the stream. Our problem now is to find that castle.”
“But, Max, listen-Now, the stream is going hargaber, hargaber, hargaber! I’m afraid the-”
“Forget it, 99! That’s an order!” He picked up the survival kit. “Do you suppose they included a map of the island in here? It would certainly be a help.”
“Max! Those tree trunks-they’re going skreek, skreek, skreek!”
“I think that’s what I’d do too, 99, if I were holding back a stream that was going hargaber, hargaber, hargaber.” He took a capsule from the kit. “Ah. . this is interesting, a capsule of paddles for a collapsible boat. I wonder if-”
“Max!” 99 said, shuddering, “Those tree trunks are going gramf, gramf, gramf!”
“Probably a speech impediment,” Max replied. “Yes, here it is,” he said, taking another capsule from the kit. “A capsule for-”
“Max! The dam is breaking!”
He looked up. The tree trunks had splintered, and a great wall of water was rushing toward them.
“Talk about the nick of time,” Max said. “I just found a capsule of collapsible boat to go with that capsule of paddles.”
Quickly, Max broke the two capsules. A fully-inflated rubber boat and two paddles popped out. He and 99 leaped aboard, grasping the paddles, just as the wall of water reached them. The boat was swept up by a huge wave, and moments later they found themselves bounding downstream, carried along by the irresistible force of the flood.
“Max! Do something!” 99 squealed, struggling to stay aboard the boat. “We’re going to be carried out to sea!”
“99, I am doing something-I’m paddling!”
“It isn’t helping, Max!”
“I didn’t say I was doing something constructive, I just said I was doing something.”
The boat was hit by another huge wave. With Max and 99 still clinging to it, it submerged. When it bobbed to the surface again a few seconds later, both Max and 99 were paddling furiously. Then 99 stopped.
“Max-the island, where is it?” 99 cried.
“I’m having trouble enough as it is, 99. Let the island find its own boat.”
“Max, it’s gone. We were swept out to sea!”
“Good riddance!” Max said. “It was nothing but trouble, anyway.”
“But, Max, we’re lost! Lost at sea!”
The boat had stopped pitching and tossing. Max sat up and looked around. “Well, we’re at sea, 99, I’ll go along with you that far,” he said. “But we’re hardly lost. After all, we’re intelligent beings, we can determine direction. And we know that the mainland lies to the east of us and the island lies to the west of us.”
99 sat up too. “From here, which direction is which, Max?”
“Offhand, I don’t know. But we can find out easily enough. We know that the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. So all we-”
“Max, it’s the other way around.”
“Oh. All right, then, we know that the sun sets in the east and rises in the west. So-”
“No, Max, when I said the other way around, I meant to transpose east and west, not rises and sets.”
“Skip it, 99. It’s the middle of the night and the sun isn’t out, anyway.” He looked up into the sky. “Maybe we can use the stars to guide us.”
99 peered up too. “Wliat are we looking for, Max?”
“A group of stars in the shape of an arrow that blink on and off and spell out ‘To the Mainland.’ ”
“To the mainland, Max? We want to get back to the island, don’t we?”
“99, we wouldn’t survive an hour on that island. We lost our survival kits. Our only chance is to reach the mainland, get new kits, then have that helicopter pilot fly us to the island again.”
“All right, Max, if you say so. But if the stars won’t point the way, how are we going to find the mainland?”
“Instinct, 99. How do the birds find the north after they’ve been down south all winter? Instinct, that’s how.” He pointed. “And my instinct tells me that the mainland is thataway.”
Max and 99 began paddling, steering in the direction that Max’s instinct told him would take them to the mainland. They paddled throughout the rest of the night, and then at the break of dawn they spied a shape on the horizon.
“The mainland!” Max said exultantly. “Score another victory for instinct!”
“Max. . it looks awfully small to be the west coast of the United States.”
“That’s because we’re still a long distance away, 99.”
“Then how come our boat is bumping on the beach?”
Max looked over the side and saw sand. The boat had beached on an island. “Well, at least I’ve learned something today, 99,” he said. “It isn’t instinct that guides those birds back from the South. I think they must follow the railroad tracks.”
They got out of the boat and pulled it up on dry land.
“Do you have any idea where we are, Max?” 99 said.
“On an island-that’s about as far out on a limb as I’m willing to go at this point. Let’s look around.”
“But, Max, it looks just like that other island we were on-it’s nothing but jungle. We’re really doomed this time, Max. No one will know where to look for us.”
“There’s a stream over there,” Max said. “Let’s follow it. We may be doomed, as you say, 99, but as long as we keep to the stream, at least we’ll have fresh water.”
They plunged into the jungle, staying close to the stream. Their clothing snagged on brambles. They had to fight their way past thick, low-hanging vines. But then soon, almost miraculously, they emerged into a small clearing.
“Look at those trees, 99!” Max said, appalled. “They must have been hit by some terrible disease.”
“Max. . I know where we are,” 99 said.
“Oh? Do you read sick trees, 99? That’s quite a talent.”
“Max, those trees aren’t sick. They were mowed down by a machine gun.”
“That’s terrible,” Max said sympathetically. “You can sometimes recover from an illness, but from getting mowed down by a machine gun, never. I wonder who- Oh. I think I’m beginning to see what you mean, 99. What you’re trying to say is that we’re back on the same island that we were washed off of last night.”
“I’m afraid so, Max,” 99 said gloomily. “All we managed to accomplish during the night was to lose our survival kit and everything that went with it.”
“Well, at least we weren’t idle,” Max said.
“What do you have in mind for today?” 99 inquired.
“I think that’s pretty obvious. First, we’ll find the castle. Then we’ll recapture Guru Optimo. Then we’ll contact the mainland and have them send the helicopter for us. Then we’ll take Guru Optimo back to headquarters and turn him over to the Chief.”
“Max, I’m hungry. I’m hungry and I’m tired.”
“But first we’ll have breakfast,” Max said. “Since we no longer have the survival kit, though, of course, we’ll have to depend on our wits to scare up some food. You look for some berries, 99. And, meanwhile, I’ll build a few traps and snare some small animals.”
“For what, Max?”
“To eat. This is a desperate situation, 99. We have to think of our tum-tums. By the time you collect a few berries, I’ll have a squirrel or a hedgehog roasting over the grill.”
“What grill, Max?”
“First things first. Go collect your berries and let me get at my trap-building.”
99 headed toward the bushes, and Max began gathering fallen branches. After he had collected a good number, he began stripping the bark from a few. “In times of crisis like this, the thing to do is keep your head,” he called out to 99. “As long as we don’t panic, we’re all right.”
“Max, what are you doing?” 99 asked, looking over.
“I’ll strip these strips into smaller strips and use them as cord,” he replied. “I’ll use the cord to tie together the parts of the trap.”
“Max, that’s brilliant!”
“Simply keeping my head,” Max said modestly.
He broke the branches into lengths of approximately equal size, then, using the strips of bark as binding, he began constructing the first trap. “This reminds me of last Christmas Eve,” he called over to 99.
She looked up into the sky.
“No, I don’t mean that it’s snowing. Last Christmas Eve, I was doing this same thing.”
“Building a trap to catch a squirrel?”
“No, no, putting something together. It was a tricycle.”
“Oh, yes, I remember. Your car was in the garage, wasn’t it?”
“99, it wasn’t a tricycle for me,” Max said. “It was supposed to be a gift for my nephew. But you know how you get things these days, all in parts, and you have to put them together yourself. Well, I was assembling this tricycle-just as I’m assembling this trap, now. Except that this is child’s play compared to that. Have you ever seen the instructions for assembling a tricycle, 99? It’s very complicated. They tell you to connect Part A to Part B, but then, in a very sneaky way, they tell you that Part A won’t connect to Part B until after you’ve connected Part F to Part M, which first have to be linked to Part Z.”
“That doesn’t sound so difficult, Max.”
“Part M looked exactly like Part Y.”
“Oh. Well, I can see how that-”
“Ouch!”
“What happened, Max?”
“Nothing. I just gouged myself in the hand with Part Z.”
“Part Z?”
“This branch.”
“Oh.”
“Putting that tricycle together taught me a good lesson, 99. After I lost my temper and threw Parts A through L into the incinerator and Parts M through Z into the garbage disposal, I realized that there’s never much to be gained by losing your head.”
“What made you decide that, Max?”
“Well, I had to go out and buy another tricycle and try to put it together. And a few minutes later I was back at the incinerator and the garbage disposal with the second set of Parts A through L and M through Z.”
“How’s the trap coming, Max?”
“Fine. Yes, 99, that experience taught me- Oh-oh.”
“What now, Max?”
“I tied my thumb to Part B.”
“Max, forget about the trap. We’ll eat berries.”
“99, I am not going to let a simple thing like a trap defeat me. I learned my lesson last Christmas Eve. If you keep your head-”
“Max? What is it?”
Silence.
“Max?”
“I think it would be better for all concerned, 99, if you didn’t babble at me while I’m trying to construct a very complicated- Drat!”
“Max-don’t lose your head!”
“I can’t find Part D!”
“Max-”
“Where is the incinerator around here!” Max shouted, jumping up.
“Max, remember the lesson you learned!”
“I remember!” he raged. “This is it!”
He threw the trap to the ground and stomped on it, smashing the lengths of branches to twigs.
“Max, you lost your head,” 99 said sadly.
“Maybe so, 99. But I kept my sanity. In a world that expects a man to assemble a tricycle by himself, if he has any brains, he’ll lose his head.”
“Could you phrase that another way, Max?”
“Yes. Pass the berries.”
Nothing was said while Max and 99 munched on the berries. Max fumed silently, and 99 watched him hopefully. Finally, when the last berry was gone, he spoke again.
“I’m still hungry,” he said.
“Shall I gather some more berries, Max?”
“I think I’d rather starve than eat another berry, 99. Our only chance, as I see it, is to find that castle. There will be food there.”
99 looked around. “It would be like finding a needle in a haystack.”
“Harder.”
“Harder?”
“If you sit down in a haystack often enough the law of averages will find the needle for you eventually. But sitting in this jungle won’t help us a bit.”
“Should we just strike out and hope for the best, Max?”
“We’ve already struck out, 99. Let’s try walking.”
They plunged into the jungle again, following the stream as before. Hours passed, but they found nothing that resembled a castle. The jungle was steamy hot. The vines lashed at their faces and the thickets tore at their clothes. Weak from hunger, they stumbled on.
“Max. . I can’t go on. .” 99 whimpered.
“Courage, 99. Remember, it’s always darkest just before the dawn.”
“Max, it’s the middle of the day and the sun is burning down on us.”
“99, don’t blame me if that old saying doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t make it up.”
“Max. . I have to rest. .”
He stopped. “All right. We’ll stay here until it gets dark. It will be easier to travel when the sun goes down.”
They collapsed on the ground. And seconds later they were both sound asleep.
Max was the first one to awaken. He shook 99. “99, we can go on, now.”
She opened her eyes. “Max!” she cried. “Where are you? I’ve gone blind from hunger!”
“You can’t go blind from hunger, 99.”
“I can’t see you!”
“It’s night.”
“Oh.”
“Can you walk, 99?”
“I think so.” She got to her feet. “Yes, that rest helped me a lot. Let’s go, Max.”
Once more, they proceeded. Then Max suddenly halted. He pushed aside a vine and peered into the darkness ahead. “99!” he said. “We’ve found- Oh, no, that’s not it.”
“What, Max?”
“I thought there for a second that we’d found the castle.”
“I can’t see-what is it?”
“Well, it certainly looks like the castle. But it couldn’t be.”
“Why not, Max?”
“Well, it isn’t white, and it doesn’t have a trunk.”
“Oh. . Max. .” 99 groaned weakly.