“Well, we go back today, darling.”
I opened my eyes to see Stella sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over me. “I'm afraid,” she added regretfully.
I reached for her nakedness, drawing her down and seeking her mouth; it opened on mine as we kissed. All soft it was and fresh, tasting of tooth-paste; I sniffed at her; smelling of toilet soap.
“What time is it?”
“Quite late; I let you sleep on while I washed and made tea. It's getting on for ten o'clock.”
“Oh, gosh!” I sat up and threw back the sheet.
“I've already knocked Jane up and given her a cup of tea-she's getting dressed. I thought it might be a better idea for you both to be dressed and out in the open when you talk to her.”
“Thanks-it is. You didn't go in like that, did you?”
“Not likely! I think I should have had a little more on than my negligee, though; you know how nearly transparent those things are. Our Jane was all eyes and kept me there while she told me what an enjoyable time she'd had; insisted on kissing me for being such a nice Aunt Stella!”
“You let her?”
“What else could I do? I'm not supposed to know what's going on between the two of you.”
“She- she didn't try to take any liberties with you, did she?”
“If you mean did she try to get at what I had under the negligee, she didn't-but the kiss she gave me wasn't exactly the way a teenage girl would normally thank her aunt for a week-end at the sea-side! Arms round the neck, pressed close, mouth open-the lot! I pulled away as soon as she started to try rubbing her titties against mine and pretended not to notice.”
“Best thing, I suppose-although I could hardly pretend not to notice what she did with me!”
I washed and had a brief, but passionate, clinch with Stella before we dressed. The sky was slightly overcast, but it was still very warm and slightly clammy, so we dressed in the scantiest of undies and thin silk dresses, dispensing with suspender-belts and stockings.
We breakfasted and I found Jane subdued but not unfriendly. Afterwards, we all chipped in to straighten things around the bungalow. Stella took the opportunity when we had finished tidying up and Jane went to pack her bag, of giving some advice.
“We have no need to rush-we can have a last swim before we go. I'll stay in a bit longer and you can talk to her on the beach. It'll be better to get it over with before you get home.”
We had our swim.undressing in our bedrooms and going down in our costumes, not bothering with towels. Stella hung back until we were just about ready to come out of the water before going in. Jane and I waded out on to the beach, myself hanging back this time, frantically trying to think of the best way to broach the subject and seeing myself to face what Jane would almost certainly have to say about Stella and I–I did cherish one forlorn hope, though, that she might not dare accuse her own mother of such a thing, if she really knew what lesbianism was.
As we stopped and turned to look out at Stella, I decided the best thing to do would be to come right out with k.
“Let's wait here for Stella, Jane. Sit down-I want to talk to you.” I kept my voice as impersonal as I could and dropped down on the sand beside her.
“Yes, mummy?” she said with a confidence which made things even more difficult.
“You realise that what you did last night was very wrong, don't you?” Now where did I go from there? “I am your mother and…”
“All the more reason why I should want to love you and why you should let me,” she replied, her voice respectful but quite firm. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, as though surprised that I should see things any differently.
“You call what you did love? Why do you think I smacked your bottom?”
“Well, perhaps I was a little too forward to begin with; I'm not very well up on these things, yet-I'll learn as I go along.”
“What on earth are you talking about? I don't want any repetition of last night, you understand? I should not only smack your bottom the next time-I'd also speak to your father and perhaps even your head teacher.”
She deliberately pulled the shoulder-straps of her costume down her arms and peeled it down to her waist, then relaxed on the sand, looking up at me.
“I seem to be getting all mixed up, mummy,” she said archly. “Do you mean I'm not old enough to be allowed to love you like that? Will I be able to when I'm a little older?”
“You certainly will not!”
“Not even when I'm say, about twenty-or maybe over twenty-one?”
“Not ever! Now enough of this nonsense-you know perfectly well it-it's not natural. And another thing- these morning cuddles must stop; you're getting a big girl now and not a baby any more.”
“Does that mean that you have stopped loving me? And that I mustn't love you, either?”
“Of course I still love you-you're my own daughter and I hope you will continue to love me, but without the demonstrations we've had lately. Understood?” I decided to terminate the conversation right there, breathing a sigh of intense relief as I stood up; I had got through without Stella being brought into it. I waved to her and she started to swim ashore; I began to walk towards the water to meet her.
“Mummy,” came Jane's quiet voice behind me. “Mummy-why it is that your very own daughter isn't allowed to touch you bare and yet a stranger can? Well, not a stranger-a friend!”
I swung round, heart pounding. She was getting to her feet, not looking at me.
“What? What was that you said?” My voice sounded choked, as though it didn't belong to me.
She took her time getting up and strolling across to me, finally coming to a halt only a couple of feet away, facing me, her young, naked breasts thrust forward pertly.
“I said why do I get my behind spanked for doing something that you like Stella to do?”
“That-that was in fun.”
“But I like that sort of fun, too. Is it because I'm your daughter that I can't do it? In that case,” she went on without waiting for a reply. “I could do it to Stella, couldn't I?” And she walked towards the water to meet Stella.
“Jane!” I shouted, running after her. “Don't you dare…”
“What mustn't she dare?” Stella came trotting up, splashing water all over us. She pulled off her rubber cap and shook out her hair. “I suppose we'd better be starting back pretty soon.” She looked at me and I raised hopeless eyebrows. “Tell me later,” she whispered. She turned to Jane. “Were you coming to meet me for anything special, Jane?” She asked, knowing she was forcing an issue.
“No-nothing special.” Jane backed down, but as we went up to the bungalow, she came close to breathe in my ear. “We'll have to have a longer chat later, won't we, mummy! Much longer!”
I looked at her, meeting her knowing eyes, then turned away quickly, nodding.
As soon as Stella and I got into our bedroom, I told her what had passed.
“Well, she did see us on the beach, then, or she wouldn't have been so confident. There's one thing, though-it's all out in the open now, and not hanging over your head. The next talk you have must be brief and your line must be that you've done nothing to be ashamed of; say it was just a bit of horse-play. Then get very bold and say that if you ever hear it mentioned again, you'll tan her rear for her and tell Phil and her head mistress. End of discussion-walk away. OK?”
“I suppose so.”
“You've got to play tough, darling, or she'll walk all over you. Now you do that-you realise she'd have you reporting to her room night and morning if she had the chance!”
So there we left it and started sponging each other down to gel the sand the salt water off before dressing.
All three of us cast a sorrowful look back at the bungalow as we climbed into the car.
“Don't look so down-hearted,” smiled Stella, “we'll be coming back again before very long.”
Jane insisted on sitting in the back, this time, leaning her arms on the back of our seats for most of the journey, chin resting on her hands, looking through the windscreen at the oncoming road from between our shoulders. I felt no surprise when I caught her glance dropping to our thighs or peeping down the tops of our dresses, knowing quite well that that was why she had been so “unselfish” in letting me sit in front with Stella.
The journey back was also uneventful, high-lighted by lunch and a cool lager later. Jane was polite but a little distant and thoughtful, as though gathering her mental ammunition for our coming talk. I felt a lot better about things since she had got around to bringing out what was on her mind, and, now I came to think about it, the little petting Stella and I had done back there on the beach wouldn't have looked much more than horseplay to someone standing a couple of hundred feet away, would it? Would it?!! In any event, I felt a lot more confident in approaching the next discussion.
It was about six o'clock when we pulled in to Stella's drive-way. As we got out, Jane spoke up boldly.
“Aunt Stella-would you mind if I had a word with mummy in your house?” She put on a little-girl tone. “It's a little secret between us that we don't want daddy to know about.”
Stella threw me a questioning look and I nodded, welcoming the idea-I didn't want Phil hanging about while this talk was on, knowing his opinion of Stella!
“Of course not. Come on in and I'll fix something to drink in the kitchen while and mummy discuss your little secret.”
She left us alone in the living-room and I turned to face my daughter. My intention was to let her have her say, whatever it might be, then come down on her like a ton of bricks, as Stella had suggested. It worked — up to a point!
“Well, Jane?” I kept my voice brisk. “Say whatever you have in your mind, but make it brief-we can't keep Stella waiting out in the kitchen.”
“Oh, this won't take long, mummy.” She took her time strolling over to the couch, sitting down and crossing her legs deliberately in front of me, giving me a generous view of her thighs, like a ham actress playing a vamp. “I liked what I saw Stella and you doing and I want a share,” she stated baldly.
“Have you finished?” I demanded, ignoring, for the moment, the enormity of the request.
“And if you're thinking of smacking my bottom again and threatening me with dad and the school, I shouldn't do that, mummy.”
“That is exactly what I am going to do!”
“That's funny was going to say the same thing.”
“How do you mean?”
“Telling daddy about the fun you and Auntie Stella have together. There would be no point in yelling it round the school,” she went on musingly, then smiled brightly. “Might be fun to smack your bottom, though!”
“Jane! You little…” I took a step towards her, face flaming, intending to haul her across my lap and relieve my feelings on her backside.
“Now don't do anything silly, mummy,” she cried hastily, getting up and darting round to face me from behind the couch. “If dad got to know about it, he might want to smack your bottom!”
“Get to know about what?” I asked desperately. “I told you that was just a little horse-play Stella and I had on the beach.”
“The sort of horse-play some of the older girls indulge in in the dorm, at school after lights out! Playing with each others titties and pee-holes…”
“Jane-I won't tolerate such language! And Stella and I didn't do anything like that. Now I'm going to…”
“Hear what I have to say,” she finished for me cheekily. I know you didn't go for each other's pee-hole on the beach-you only kissed and rubbed titties. But what about at night when you both went to bed? You didn't stop at kissing!”
The world was going round; I found it hard to believe I was talking to my own daughter. I must be having a nightmare and would wake up soon.
“We went to bed to sleep, what else?” I tried to infuse as much outraged modesty as I could into my voice.
“Do you really want me to tell you what else?” she said quietly, continuing without waiting for a reply even if I'd had one. “Well, I don't know very much about Friday night at the bungalow-you remembered to draw the curtains. But Saturday night and Sunday night, you must have forgotten all about them.”
Oh, Lord! My hands flew to my face and I turned my back to her. I had never felt so ashamed in all my life as when I stood, knowing my daughter's eyes were burning into my back.almost feeling her triumph. She had seen everything. No wonder she had been so confident.
“It was terribly exciting, mummy; the two of you all naked like that, cuddling and kissing. And then that great big rubber thing. Gosh! It's a wonder it didn't split you right up your middle! Didn't it hurt, mummy?” She was carried away, now, and rushed on, “How you squealed when it went in, mummy! Then having all that milk squirted into your poor little pee-hole afterwards. It looked more like a punishment she was giving you, but you both seemed to be enjoying yourselves.
“It must feel lovely when you're kissing each other between the thighs, though-I think I should like that very much.”
On and on she went, relating all the intimate things Stella and I had done together over the week-end, while I stood with my back to her, taking each word as almost a physical blow. Finally, I could stand it no longer. I swung round on her.
“All right, Jane! All right!” I burst out. “You saw everything we did. It was terribly wrong of me, of us, but it's something we can't help; we try to make it as beautiful as possible, because that is the way we see it. But it is something that you must not do-ever. Between Stella and I it is something beautiful, but to the rest of society it is wrong.”
“But I'm not the rest of society-I'm just Jane; and I think it's something beautiful.”
I had to get a grip on things and make a show of authority.
“Never mind what you think it is-you're not going to indulge in it. I shall write to your head mistress and tell her to keep a close watch on your activities-especially in the dormitory. Now that's the end of the conversation-don't you ever let me hear you talk like that again.”
“Oh, no, mummy-that isn't the end of it. You should know your own daughter well enough to know that if she sets her heart on something she gets it. I've set my heart on this! I love you not only as a mummy, but also the way Stella loves you. I'll be sixteen in a few months and I think I've learnt about most things. I know that's what I want. I want it so much that if I don't get it, I shall go and tell dad the whole story-tonight!”
“He wouldn't even listen to you!”
“Not after what he's said about Stella? I've heard him talking to you about her; what did he call her — a lesbian?” So she knew about that, too! “I even heard him pulling your leg about her being after you. He'd listen all right!”
“You-you wouldn't tell on your own mother, Jane, would you? You realise it would make everyone very unhappy-daddy included; it could.break your home up.”
“I don't care! I want you and if I can't have you, I'd rather everything was broken up. I could stay at school all the time, then and I wouldn't have to be looking you and wanting you and knowing you and Stella were doing things I wanted to do. I knew about this before we went to Bridlington, by the way; I looked into the kitchen one morning when Stella came over and saw her feeling at you under your skirt. I guessed what you did together when you were over here with her.”
“What you're asking of me is out of the question. I won't do it.”
“Very well,” she replied without any hesitation, “I shall go across to the house now and tell dad everything.” She looked straight at me, then, and I saw her eyes were filled with tears. “I shall always love you, darling mummy; I hated doing this and I prayed you might have seen it my way. I'll go and see dad, now.”
“How about having a nice cup of coffee first?” Stella stood just inside the doorway, holding a tray with three steaming cups. “Whatever it is you want to see your dad about will keep for a couple of minutes, won't it?”
She came into the room and put the tray on a coffee table near the couch.
“I-oh, all right.” Jane came back to the couch and accepted the cup Stella handed her.
“Did you-er-hear any of the conversation Stella?” I asked quietly.
“Oh, something Jane said she hated doing and that she'll always love you.” she replied lightly. She smiled at Jane. “Noting desperate, I hope?”
“I think it's something you ought to know, Stella- about the two of us, I'm afraid.”
“Oh?” Stella turned and walked over to the sideboard, fiddling about looking for cigarettes. When she turned back towards us, her face was pink, her mouth tight. I knew she at least guessed it was far more serious that either of us had thought.
“Cigarette?” I took one gratefully. Stella tossed back her dark hair, took a deep drag on her cigarette and turned to face Jane. Even in that awful situation, I found myself thinking how beautiful she was, as she drew herself up austerely to face whatever was coming from my daughter. “And what is it about the two of us that I ought to know. Jane?” she asked quietly.
Jane backed down somewhat when faced with the blunt question. She got up and walked over to the fireplace, stood looking down into the empty grate.
“I–I don't think it's for me to say-it should be between you and mummy.”
“I want to hear it from you, Jane.” Stella insisted. “I presume you brought the subject up.”
“It's about what you and mummy do with each other,” muttered Jane, still looking into the fireplace.
“Oh, we might as well get it over with.” I broke in. “We've had it all out, anyway. She saw us through the window as well as on the beach-she knows everything.”
“Snooping?” muttered Stella, her lip curling. “And having snooped, what else has she stooped to-blackmail, I suppose?”
“That's about the size of it.”
“Let's hear the worst-what demands is she making?”
“She wants me!” I murmured.
“You! Jane-do you know what you're doing?”
“I know what I want.” Jane turned towards us, her lips quivering. “I've hated myself for it-but I want it so much I'll do anything to get it.”
“She says she's going to tell Phil everything unless I let her have what se wants.”
“Would he believe her?”
“I'm afraid he would. I didn't want you to know this, but in all fairness, I must tell you. You see-he likes you quite a lot-even says you're a 'smasher,' but he also thinks your might be a…”
“Lesbian?”
I nodded.
“On what grounds?”
“Oh, quite slim ones, actually-the fact that you live alone and have no husband or boy-friends. But with what Jane would have to tell him, it would all begin to add up.”
“I see. It makes no difference to her that she will be breaking up her own home?”
“None-her mind is made up. It's either me, or she tells Phil.”
We talked for nearly an hour; Stella tried all sorts of arguments; threats, promises, even compromises, without the slightest effect. We even begged her to take the coming term at school to think it over, but it was useless. She wanted what she wanted and she wanted it now. Finally. Stella drew a deep breath and walked over to her; she placed her hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.
“You realise what an awful thing you're asking of your mother, Jane?” she asked quietly.
Jane nodded, dropping her eyes.
“And nothing will dissuade you?”
A stubborn shake of the head.
“Very well. Look at me, Jane.” Jane looked up at her. “If that is what you want — will you take me instead.”
I gasped and Jane's eyes went wide.
“You-you mean you'd let me…?” She stopped.
“Do whatever you wanted with me-if you will promise not to tell your father about your mother and also that you'll leave your mother out of the arrangement.”
I could see that Jane was torn between the two of us. She looked at Stella's loveliness and was quite obviously sorely tempted. Then she shook her head and practically floored us with her next words.
“No, I can't. You see-I–I had that in mind, too. I love mummy so very much,” and she looked over at me with longing eyes. “I couldn't make a promise like that. I think I love you, too, Aunt Stella, and…and I wanted to have you as well-eventually.”
Stella and I looked at each other speechlessly.
“Well, can you beat that!” gasped Stella. “She wants the pair of us!”
“And I want to know tonight,” Jane pursued her advantage of surprise.
It was now up to me to make the final and irrevocable decision. Negotiations had broken down, as the unions say, and there was no time to table any new proposals.
“No, Stella-it's not your problem. It's all mine and up to me to try and solve it. I don't want the home broken up.” I looked at Jane; she was watching me, holding her breath as she waited for what I was going to say next. “All right, Jane-I'll do what you want,” I said simply.
“Oh, mummy!” Then she burst into tears.
Stella and I looked at each other silently. I gave a resigned shrug.
“Didn't have any choice, did I? Come on, Jane- let's go home.”
As we left, Stella squeezed my hand hard.
“Want me to pop over in the morning, darling?” she whispered.
“Please-about ten; I should have paid part of the blackmail by then and I'll need someone.”
Before we went in, I made Jane pull herself together and dry her eyes; I felt nothing, just then-only slightly numbed.
“Have a good time?” Phil greeted us.
“Smashing!” Jane had brightened up and handed over the things she had brought him from her shopping trip to Bridlington.
“Well, you've both acquired quite a tan.”
The three of us were soon chattering away and the previous couple of hours had faded, for the time being, to an unreal shadow.
After Jane had gone off to bed, Phil looked at me again and I recognised the old glint in his eye.
“That white dress goes well with your tan; sort of sets it off-very sexy!”
Although I didn't feel at all sexy just then, I smiled and let him take me into his arms, trying to appear willing. We kissed and he stroked my bare arms.
“Shall we go to bed?” he whispered.
“Mmm-let's!” I murmured, sounding enthusiastic. If he wanted sex, I thought, I'd have to let him have it; after being away for three days with Stella, I couldn't — I daren't-show unwilling.
We undressed and I could see by the way he kept looking at me he was going to want it. I didn't bother with a nightie, but slipped into my dressing gown to go to the toilet first. There, I went through the task of rousing myself as best I could with my fingers, using my old trick of lifting my breasts to my mouth to raise the nipples. I looked at them and felt at my sex to see how I was doing. I'd pass muster, I thought, to start with- he would probably be able to do the rest.
As I took the dressing gown off and climbed naked into bed beside him, slipping naturally into his arms, it occurred to me how completely divorced this part of my life was to my association with Stella. The word “divorce” brought my mind back to what I had consented to do with Jane to avoid one.
To take my thoughts away from the morrow, I forced myself into an erotic frame of mind. I grasped my husband's stiff prick, lifted one leg and rubbed the knob up and down along my slit. I rubbed my breasts against his chest, kissing him and wriggling against him, rousing us both.
“Say — we are sexy tonight, aren't we!” he gasped, nevertheless taking full advantage of the situation.
“Any complaints?” I grinned in the darkness.
“No complaints!”
“Come — come on, darling, take me!” I panted, squirming on to my back and opening my legs.
He needed no second invitation; he was on me, between my thighs and his hot penis shoved up me to the hilt almost before I had the words out.
I lay back, lifting my pelvis up for his deep thrusts, legs locked over his. His mouth crushed down on mine and I felt him come, gouts of semen squirting into me from his throbbing prick. I jerked my buttocks high off the bed to keep him right inside me, as I came myself. When it was over, I got out of bed again.
“You still didn't remember to get those tablets, did you?”
“Hell — yes! I did-forgot all about them; they're in my coat pocket.”
“Fat lot of good they'll do there! One of them should have been in me! Oh, well-at least we have got some. I'll remember them next time.”
“Like-tomorrow morning?”
“Sex maniac!”
I gave myself a douche and came back to bed. He was lying back, relaxed, with the light on. He turned towards me as I climbed in.
“Behave yourself over the week-end?” he grinned.
“I always behave myself!”
“More to the point-did Stella?”
On that old tack again! I felt more annoyed than guilty then; annoyed because he had brought into focus what I was to face in the morning.
“You know Stella will get to know about what you call her one day and bring a libel suit, or something! You keep harping on the subject-what do you think she did at Bridlington-raped me?”
“That would have been interesting!”
“I do believe that if anything like that happened, you'd want to watch!”
“I'll bet that would be quite an exhibition!”
Stung, I turned to look at him.
“Would you like me to arrange it? I'll say 'Stella, my husband says you are a lesbian and wants to watch you make love to me-naked, of course!' Would that suit you?”
“Oh, come off it, Rita-I'm only pulling your leg.”
And there it ended. Needless to say-I slept worse than badly that night, dreading the morning and the time Phil would leave for the office, leaving me to the tender mercies of my darling daughter!