"No problem. Let's just not go telling everyone who set you up for that stuff, OK? You dad is my friend, and I don't know how much he would appreciate me showing you that stuff. And Father Thomas and the nuns would probably pitch a fit and start praying at me!" I joked.
Seriously, she told me "Don't worry, I won't. Is it okay if I tell some of my friends about this, though? There are a lot of us that don't know any of this stuff."
"Well, I suppose that would be okay, IF you're careful about who you tell, and don't bring me into it. I imagine that some of the parents would be a little upset with me if they knew where their girls were getting the information."
"Sure, that's no problem. I wouldn't do anything to get you in trouble after you've done so much to help me."
"So, what's the question? You did say that you wanted to ask me something."
I said.
"Well, actually, it's a couple of things."
"Okay, then, start with the first one, and we'll go from there." I answered.
"Um, well, some of those places talked about something called an 'orgasm' or 'climax', and I think I know that it's something good, but I'm not real sure what it is."
Hoo-boy. What have I gotten myself into?
"Jan, I'm not quite sure how to explain it to you. Physically, an orgasm is the body's response to sexual stimulation. Emotionally, it's something else."
"You mean that when I touch myself – I mean, masturbate – that's an orgasm?" (MY turn to blush. Yes, I still can.) "No, Jan, I don't think so. I expect that what you were feeling was 'just' arousal, or stimulation. I don't think there would have been any doubts if you had ever had an orgasm."
"Oh. Then what does an orgasm feel like?" (Shit.) Nothing to do but continue "Well, it's different for men and women, for obvious reasons. For men, climax is when they are stimulated enough to ejaculate their sperm into the woman. I have no idea of what it feels like for women, except to use a description I read that is supposedly from the French – they call it 'the little death'."
"Oh. Well, you're a man; have you ever climaxed?" (Is it me, or is it getting warm in here?) "Yes, I've had climaxes before. Remember, I was married before, and my wife and I had sex many times." (no need to bring up the Navy days) "What is it like?" (Whose bright idea was this, anyway? Bastard should be shot!) "I don't know that it's anything that I could really describe to you. It's not that I'm not willing" – like hell! – "it's just that there simply aren't the words. Remember that definition I told you? That's about as close as I could get, without taking several hours and a whole lot of words."
"Okay, I guess."
"Trust me, Jan – I don't think that it's going to be too long before you know for yourself what it's like. And when you do, you'll understand why it's so hard for me to describe. Okay?"
"Yeah, I suppose. You said that it was one thing, physically, and something else, emotionally. You can't tell me what it is physically, so can you tell me what it's like emotionally?"
"Well, I can tell you what*I* think it's about. If you check around, you can probably find some more answers, too."
"I will, but I'd like to know what*you* think."
"For starters, I think of the sex act as being something different from the act of making love."
"What do you mean? Aren't they the same thing?"
"Physically – I mean, as far as the physical act – yes, they are usually the same. But emotionally – in my heart – they are two*very* different things.
I suppose you could think of them this way: sex is the physical act, and making love is the emotional joining."
"I kinda see what you're saying."
"Okay, how about this: sex is what two animals do to make more animals; the whole biblical go-forth-and-multiply thing. Making love is when two people join in the physical act of sharing their hearts with each other."
"Okay, I understand that."
"Now, here's the tricky part: sex can be as simple as two dogs making new puppies, or as complicated as a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.
Making love usually means the physical act, but there can be a making of love without the physical joining."
"I'm confused, now. How does that work? And what's the difference?"
"For the sex part, it's a matter of how*each* of them cares for the other.
If they like each other enough, they can join in physical pleasure without getting their hearts involved – kind of like helping each other feel good." – a smile from her – "Making love is something else. Suppose that a woman was married to a man that had been hurt in such a way that he was physically unable to have sex with her. But, because he has given his heart – his love – to her, he may find another way to bring her physical pleasure. To me, taking a physical action to make another person happy, _without worrying about your own pleasure or satisfaction_ is what 'making love' is all about.
Got it?" I asked.
"Yeah, I think so. But what is love?" (Damn! And I thought I was gonna get away clean!) I answered with "I don't think there's one answer that would make everybody happy – I expect that there are as many opinions on that as there are people. For me, though, it's when another person means as much, or more, to you than yourself."
"What do you mean?"
"How about an example. If Leo or John was inside a burning house, would you try to rescue them, even if it meant you might get hurt?"
"Of course!"
"THAT is love. Now, that doesn't mean that because you love them you would want to have sex with them, only that the emotional bond is there.
Understand?"
"Yeah. But how is that love different from physical love?"
"You've got several friends, right?"
"Yeah"
"Do you like ALL of them exactly the same way, and for the same reason?"
"No, of course not."
"It's the same thing with love. The way that you love your dad is different than the way you love your brothers is different than the way you would love someone that you would make love with."
"Okay, I kinda get it now."
"Well, if you kinda get it, then you're doing a whole lot better than most people: there are a lot of people out in the world that get physical love and emotional love mixed up, and spend a lot of their lives being unhappy, and making others even more unhappy." I replied.
"Is that why Daddy and Mom divorced?" (Ahhhhhh,*SHIT!*) "No, I don't think so. Have you ever stopped being friends with someone? Not because of something that anyone did, but because it just sort of happened?"
"Yeah."
"I expect that it's the same with your mom and dad. They loved each other a lot, but they just couldn't stay happy with each other. It's like a grown-up version of the problems that you have with Lou and John: you love them, but sometimes they just make you crazy, right?"