"Show you how I just tapped the dog with my foot."
"How are you going to show me that, Sam?"
"Get down on your hands and knees."
"Excuse me?"
"I just want to show you how I tapped the dog with my foot."
"Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?"
"No, of course not, but I want you to believe me."
"I believe you, Sam. I've got to finish the dishes now."
"No, I can tell by the sound in your voice that you don't believe me. C'mon, Lorraine, humor me."
"Alright, Sam, what do you want me to do?"
"Get on your hands and knees on the carpet."
"Like this?"
"Yeah, just like that."
"Do I get to wag my tail like Fido does?"
"Don't do that, Lorraine."
"Why not?"
"Cause when you wiggle your hiney back and forth like that, your skirt crawls up and I can see your panties."
"So?"
"So, I might start getting some kinky ideas."
"Start getting kinky ideas? Sam, you've had kinky ideas since the day we were married."
"I know, but the ideas are really flowing now."
"So if wag my tail like this and show you that I'm a happy puppy, my skirt comes up?"
"Yep, and the Mr. Happy in my pants starts wagging too."
"And if I put my head down like this and show you that I'm an obedient little puppy?"
"Mmm … I can see all those pretty lace panties now."
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Are dogs supposed to wear panties?"
"Hmm … good point, Lorraine. No, they're not supposed to wear panties."
"Then I guess these should come off, huh?"
"Yes, they should. Here, allow me."
"Ummph."
"There? Isn't that better?"
"It's actually a little cold now. I don't have fur to cover me like Fido does."
"Oh, you have fur, baby, but not the kind that Fido has."
"What kind of fur do I have, Sam?"
"Mmm … you have edible fur, baby … delicious, edible fur."
"Can you see my fur when I spread my legs apart like this, Sam?"
"Oh yeah, baby. That's pretty fur."
"Sam, what are you doing?"
"Taking off my pants, baby. You're going to teach an old dog some new tricks."
"Oh, Sam! Do you have a bone in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
"Both, baby. I got a big bone just for my little bitch in heat."
"Slide your big bone in, Sam. Oh yes! Right there in my hot little doghouse!"
"Every dog has his day, baby!"
"Ummph!
"Oh man! I'll trade a box of milk bones for this any day!"
"Oooohhh, Sammmmm!"
"It's a dog's life, baby! Woooooof!"