“I know you must have a million questions,” Selena began. “But please wait until I tell you my story. Otherwise, I don’t know if I can get through this.”
Lee slowly nodded and sat down.
“When I was a young girl, before I met your father, my parents sent me to Althetas to study at the Temple of Saraf. My father was a blacksmith and did well enough to be able to support my studies at the temple. They hoped I would become a priestess someday, and I probably would have if not for your father.”
“I’m warning you now,” Lee interrupted. “I’ll not hear you speak ill of my father.”
“Why would I speak ill of him?” she asked. “I loved him…I still love him.”
Her voice trailed off for a moment, then she regained her composure. “I met him in Althetas during my studies at the temple. I was in the market square the first time I saw him. He had come to the city to meet with the Fisherman’s Guild. Your grandfather had died a few months before. Your father had taken ownership of his boat, and was supporting both himself and your grandmother.
“I had just bought some spices and herbs, when a young rogue snatched my purse right off my belt. It was all the money I had. My father was not rich, so the money he sent me each month had to last; without it, I had no way to feed myself and would have had to return home. I chased after the thief, but he was too fast. Then, out of nowhere, your father tackled him and took back my money. He looked so handsome and dashing, I think I must have fallen in love with him right then and there.”
Lee grumbled with disbelief.
“I know you think I might have felt differently,” she said. “But you only see things from a child’s perspective. I know you are a man now, but your memories are that of a child. I did love him. I was only fourteen at the time, but still I knew what I felt. He gave me my purse and offered to buy me a sweet apple.” She started laughing.
“I was so angry at that. A sweet apple? I wanted a candlelit dinner or a moonlight walk, and here he was buying me a bloody sweet apple as if I were a child. However, he was twenty at the time, and to him I was a child. He walked me back to the temple holding my hand. I was so excited; this handsome hero was holding my hand. We talked the whole way there, and I made him promise to write me, which he did of course. I didn’t see him again for a year.
“But just as he’d promised, he wrote me once a month. As soon as the letters arrived, I’d eagerly run back to my room at the temple to read them. He wrote mostly of his life in the fishing village and the goings on of his day-to-day life, but to me, each letter might as well have been a love sonnet. I wrote him back, careful not to be too forward and scare him away. Even then, I knew he was the man I would marry.
“The next year he came to Althetas to again meet with the Fisherman’s Guild. You could have told me the Gods themselves were coming and I would not have been more thrilled; I must have spent three hours getting ready, determined to look perfect for the man I loved. We met in the same square where my purse had been snatched. This time, I was determined not to get a sweet apple.
He was as kind and thoughtful as I’d dreamed he’d be. He took me to lunch, and we walked all over the city. At the time, it was the best day of my life. I nearly cried when it was over. I made your father promise to show me his village when I was old enough to travel on my own. He confessed to me later that it made him nervous to think of me realizing how poor he really was.
“I wept for three days when he left.
“A few months later, I was chosen to accompany the High Priestess as one of her attendants to Manisalia, to see the Oracle. I had never traveled so far, and the thought of it frightened me. The trip was long and hard, but as it turned out, I had a grand time. The High Priestess was young, cheerful, and played games with us at night. She even told us old tales of the world before the Great War. I felt lucky to have been chosen.
“When we got to Manisalia, I waited outside the pavilion with the rest of the attendants while the High Priestess went inside. She was only inside a few minutes when she came out and told me that the Oracle wanted to see me. I was terrified.
“When I went inside, she was sitting on a pillow, tossing nuts in the air and catching them in her mouth-not really what I expected, to say the least.”
Lee chuckled in spite of himself. “No puppy?” he asked. “She played tug-o-war with a puppy when I went to see her.”
His mother smiled. “No puppy. Still, as you know, she is not what one expects when you think of the Great Oracle of Manisalia. She asked me to sit and offered me some water.
“She told me she’d been expecting me, and that she ‘regretted having to give such ominous news to a child.’ I hated being called a child, but I was too nervous to say anything in return. She reached over and took my hands. She told me she could see I was in love, and I turned so red I probably glowed. But then, she told me that I mustn’t marry-that if I did, it would end in tragedy.
“I jerked my hands away and stood up. Her words scared me, and my fear became anger. I told her that your father didn’t want to marry me, and if he did, I would wed him in an instant, no matter what she said.
“She looked at me with a sympathetic smile. She told me that your father loved me even then, and was waiting for me to come of age. But she warned again that I mustn’t marry him; if I did, he would die, and I would hate myself for the rest of my life.
“I sat back down, but I did not hold her hands. Hesitantly, I asked her how he would die.
“She admitted that she didn’t know, but told me that I was part of an important destiny, that my child-a child not fathered by the man I loved-would help save the world.
“I laughed so hard that I almost fell over. I’d bear a child with the man I loved and no other, and I told her as much.
“She insisted that I would have a child, and that one day I would have to let him go. She told me that he would one day be called to serve a northern lord, and that I should not interfere with this.” Selena paused, her eyes guilty and troubled. “And once he was gone, she said I was not to contact him again. She said my son would find me one day when there was a great upheaval in the world, but I could not allow him to find me before then or he would surely die.
“The Oracle could tell I didn’t believe her. ‘It seems you will marry your handsome fisherman anyway,’ she said. ‘But upon his death, remember my words.’ I left angrier than I had ever been in my life.”
“I take it you ignored her,” Lee said.
“To my everlasting regret,” Selena replied. “Your father and I kept writing one another, and each year he made sure to attend the annual fisherman’s meeting in Althetas. When I came of age and was old enough to leave the temple, we married. My family was furious. They wanted me to continue my education and become a novice, but I refused. As a result, my family ostracized me. I never saw any of them again.
“Your father always regretted that I had to sacrifice so much for him, but as long as we were together I didn’t care. For a time, we were very happy. I had all but forgotten what the Oracle had told me. Fishing was good in those days, and though we didn’t have much, we had enough to get by.
“Then, in a flash, it all changed. I was walking along the shore, collecting shells for a basket I was making as a present for one of our neighbors. I heard a clap of thunder over the water, and I looked to see the ocean boiling. Steam rose and became a hot mist. It was then that I saw him, walking across the waves towards me and smiling. It was Saraf, the God of the Sea. Somehow, I knew who he was instantly, and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld. I nearly fainted at the sight of him.”
“What did he look like?” Lee asked.
“It’s impossible to describe,” she answered. “Not like a man, but not unlike one, either. Even now, all I can remember is the sheer beauty of his presence. He took me in his arms and loved me. I could not help myself. It was as if a spell was cast over me. Once in Saraf’s embrace, I didn’t care about anything else-not even your father.
“He left me on the shore, and I watched as he faded into the ocean. It wasn’t until he had gone that the realization of what had happened set in. I was wracked with guilt and self-hatred. I had betrayed the man I loved, and I could not live with it. I knew I had to tell him, but I was afraid he wouldn’t believe me. I sat on the beach and cried for hours.
“The sun had already gone down when your father found me. I told him what had happened and begged for his forgiveness. He said that a water spirit had warned him that Saraf would come to me that very day. He said the spirit was a vile thing, and that it told him he should kill me for such a betrayal.
“I told him that the spirit was right, and he should do just as it said. But instead, your father looked at me tenderly and held me close. He said he didn’t blame me, that fault was with Saraf.
“I wanted him to blame me, though. I wanted to be punished for what I had done, and after a time I grew resentful of your father’s forgiveness. I hated myself and wanted him to hate me too.
“Then, I found out I was with child.
“I remember the look on his face when I told him. Both of us knew who the father was, but he told me it didn’t matter, that he would love you all the same. I should have been grateful, but I wasn’t. I was angry-angry at him, angry at myself, and angry at Saraf.
“I know you must have thought I didn’t love you or your father, but that isn’t true. All I could think about, once you were born, was what the Oracle had told me. It was coming true, and I knew what would happen next.
“The day your father died, Saraf returned to me. I was outside gathering wood when I heard a voice call my name. I looked up, and there he was. This time he appeared as a shimmering light, but his voice was sad and full of remorse. He knew my husband was dead, and he told me he was sorry. “I stared at him in disbelief. I screamed at him, calling him a liar.
“He moved closer and told me it was the spirits of the water that caused my husband’s boat to sink. They were jealous that Saraf had loved me. When they failed to convince my husband to kill me, Saraf had hoped they would let go of their envy and move on. Instead, they waited. They waited until they thought Saraf had forgotten, and then they struck. They knew that an attempt on my life would be more than he could forgive, so instead, they took my husband. They knew it would hurt Saraf to see me in pain.
“I couldn’t believe it. I wept, unable to understand why the spirits would do such a thing.
“Saraf told me that the spirits could not bear to share his love with another; they wanted it all to themselves. He told me again that he was sorry. He tried to stop them, but he was too late. By the time he realized what they had done, it was over.
“I ran at him then, intent on killing him, but I passed through him as if he wasn’t there. I told him he knew nothing of love, cursing him as I fell to the ground, weeping. Saraf vanished and I never saw him again.
“It was then I knew what I would have to do. I returned to the temple and made sure we were sent north. When Lord Dauvis took you in, I fled and eventually found this place. At the time, it was a place of retirement for the Order of Amon Dahl. I told them my story and they allowed me to join the order and remain. When the Dark Knight destroyed the original Valshara, we reformed the Order from here. I sent people to Hazrah to keep an eye on you, but I was afraid to make contact out of fear of the Oracle’s words. I would not see you die because of my own foolishness. I’m sorry I was not there for you, Lee. I’m sorry that I caused you pain. I never wanted this, I swear.”
Selena’s eyes welled with tears as she gazed into her son’s eyes. Lee stood and walked around the desk. “For years I was angry with you,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion. “But I see now why you did what you did.”
“Can you forgive me?” she asked, rising to her feet.
“Mother,” Lee said tenderly. “I am alive because of your sacrifice. There is nothing to forgive.” He reached out and embraced her tightly, and they both wept joyful tears.