"You can't do it? No problem. Nobody will think less of you. Now let's go get that-"
"I'm sorry."
Charlie pulled the trigger. The bullet knocked Stanley off his feet. Fiery pain tore through his chest as he struck the carpeted floor.
The security guards rushed forward as Charlie dropped the gun. They immediately subdued him, smashing him against the wall.
"You asshole!" Stanley shouted. "You weren't really supposed to shoot me! That was a goodwill gesture! Shit!"
Stanley got to his feet, rubbing his chest. It hurt a hell of a lot worse than the last time, probably because he'd been shot at much closer range, and he felt dizzy and sick to his stomach.
Charlie looked over at him. "You…you're…"
"Yeah, I'm alive, dipshit! You know why? Because I'm a goddamn zombie!"
Fresh tears began to stream down Charlie's face as the security guards wrenched his hands behind his back. "You're a miracle!"
"No shit!" Stanley stumbled and fell back onto the floor. He was pretty sure the bullet had shattered his solar plexus, and he was pretty sure that wasn't a good thing.
"Don't worry, Stanley Dabernath!" Charlie shouted. "I believe in your miracle, and I'm going to make sure the whole world believes in you!"
Stanley's vision faded to black.
Stanley awoke in his hotel room bed. Veronica, Martin, and Brant were there, as was Dr. Arnzin, who was currently hovering over him and prodding him with a small metal thingie.
"Ow," said Stanley.
"Oh, good, you're awake," said Dr. Arnzin. "How do you feel?"
"Not delightful. What is that thing?"
"This? I use it to prod people." Dr. Arnzin set the metal thingie aside. "So you got yourself shot again, huh?"
"Yeah."
"You'll be fine, but there was serious bone damage, and this one will take a while to heal. You'll have to be off your feet for a while."
"What happened to Charlie?"
"Who?"
"Charlie. The guy who shot me."
"They took him away," said Brant. "He was a lunatic."
"Yeah, but…yeah, he was."
"It looks like it was a rather busy night for you. How were the two tramps you lured back here?"
Stanley glanced over at Veronica to gauge her reaction. Was it jealousy or disgust? Looked more like disgust.
"We didn't do anything. I sent them away."
"Really? I just assumed you were very quick about it."
"Bite me."
Brant chuckled. "If you are able to find women of questionable sanity who are willing to give up their bodies, more power to you, I say. The benefits of celebrity are quite plentiful."
"How about you go someplace else? Anyplace else. Just someplace that isn't here."
"With pleasure. Fix him up nicely, Doctor." Brant nodded politely and walked out of the room.
"I'm sorry," Stanley told Veronica.
"For what?"
"You know. For the girls."
Veronica seemed genuinely confused. "Why would you apologize for that?"
"I'm…not sure."
"I can't stop you from having sex, Stanley."
"I didn't, though. I sent them away."
"Uh-huh."
"I did!"
"Oh, I'm sure you did. I'm sure you didn't say anything crude, sexist, adolescent, or disgusting that scared them off."
"I didn't!"
"Uh-huh."
"Veronica, look at me! Do you think that the kind of woman who would sleep with me is going to have problems with a disgusting comment?"
"Then why did they leave?"
"I told you, I sent them away."
"Why would you do a silly thing like that?"
"Because…because I realized that I didn't love either of them, and that I couldn't be intimate with somebody I didn't truly care for."
Veronica smacked the side of her head. "Wow! My bullshit detector just exploded!"
"Do you think so little of me that you believe I'd just pick up a couple of skanks in a hotel bar?"
"Stanley, honey, I adore you, but a three-dollar hooker wouldn't surprise me. Try not to pick up any of those, though. It's bad press."
"Those women were all over me. Right here on this bed. They could be mounting me at this very moment, and yet I cast them out. That's the kind of morally upright individual I am."
Veronica winked at him. "Then why were they in your room in the first place?"
"Conversation."
"Uh-huh. I'm gonna let Dr. Arnzin fix you up. Get some sleep and we'll head back to the bunker first thing in the morning."
She ruffled his hair and left the room. Martin sat down next to the bed. "How the hell did you get two girls at once?"
"I didn't. I sent them away."
"Why would you do something like that?"
"I don't know! I was in a weird mental place!"
"But how did you do it? No offense, sir, but you're a living corpse! I wore my best green shirt and I didn't get diddly!"
"Maybe it's your approach. Did you actually use the word diddly?"
"I'm going to bed. I can't believe you got two women."
"I sent them away!"
Martin shook his head and left the room.
"I sent them away," said Stanley to Dr. Arnzin. "You believe me, don't you?"
"Of course I do," said Dr. Arnzin, patting Stanley's shoulder reassuringly.
"Thank you."
"Anyway, you really should get some sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a long day for you, what with me setting those shattered bones and digging out another bullet."
"It's going to hurt, isn't it?"
"Oh, yes."