Blue felt like killing her father.
'I've been worried sick, young lady!'
'Honestly, Father, there was no need.'
'No need? Do you know what time it is?'
He had a point of sorts there. It was almost dawn. But even so, there was no need for him to speak to her like this in front of the servants. 'I'm sorry it's so late, Father, but I was on an important mission.'
'I don't care if you were visiting the High Priest of Coridon!' snapped the Purple Emperor. 'You don't think I have enough to worry me with your brother missing without you taking yourself off as well?'
Mt was actually about Pyrgus that I – '
'I don't care. I don't care what you thought you were doing. I'm sick of all this Secret Service business. I'm sick of you sneaking around pretending to be some sort of spy. You're a Princess of the Realm, not a grubby field operative in Imperial Espionage.'
'Father,' Holly Blue said patiently, 'I really don't want to go into this in front of other people, but the books I brought back contain important information. They may give us some clue to where Pyrgus has got to.'
She watched her father carefully. He had confiscated the books she'd brought back from Brimstone's lodgings almost as soon as she returned to the palace – the moment she'd admitted to stealing them, in fact. But she'd at least had time to glance at Brimstone's magical diary. It left no doubt that Brimstone had tried to kill Pyrgus as part of some ghastly demonic operation. It also showed that Brimstone's partner Chalkhill had captured Pyrgus in the first place. What had Chalkhill and Brimstone been up to? Were they behind the sabotage of the portal? Did they know where he was now? Since Brimstone seemed to be missing at the moment, Blue fully intended to pay a little call on Chalkhill and get the truth from him one way or another.
Her father's brow turned thunderous. 'Those books were stolen, young lady. Stolen by you. I never thought I would see the day when a daughter of mine turned into a common thief. Gatekeeper Tithonus will return them in the morning. In the interim, I suggest you go to your room, take off those ridiculous clothes and get straight to bed.'
How could your own father be so stupid? So maddening. So… so
… so… 'Father, you can't give them back. They could help us find Pyrgus – '
'I think you may safely leave the search for Pyrgus to those who know what they're doing,' her father told her coldly. His tone softened a little as he added, 'I know you're worried about your brother, Blue, but while you've been on your ridiculous escapade, Tithonus and I have ascertained that he is safely back in the realm. It will be only a matter of time before we find him.'
So they hadn't found him yet. She knew it! She knew it! 'Father, I – '
'Not another word,' her father said. 'Not one more word. I've had a long day and a long night and a great deal more worry than I needed – much of it, I might say, caused entirely by you. Go to your room.'
'But, Father, I – '
'No "buts",' her father snapped. He half turned so that his back was towards her as if firmly ending the conversation, then, because he could never resist, he turned back and said, 'What is that ludicrous fashion you're wearing? You realise it makes you look exactly like a boy?'
'Father – '
'Not another word!' her father said. This time he turned away without turning back. Had he done so, he might have noticed the mutinous set of Blue's lower lip as she headed for her room.
Chalkhill had to be very rich indeed – there was a fair-weather spell laid across his entire estate. You could see the break in the clouds for miles across the Wildmoor Broads and when Blue approached the main gates she noticed the temperature had risen so much it felt almost sub-tropical. To her surprise, the gates themselves were open.
Kitterick seemed surprised as well. 'Come into my parlour…' he murmured.
It was late morning on the day after the row with her father. She'd borrowed Kitterick again from Madame Cardui and they were riding side by side in an unmarked palace ouklo, perfect for the Broads since it carried them above the spreading prickleweed. Now it floated serenely along Chalkhill's pristine driveway, allowing them time to admire the manicured lawns and jasmine-scented borders. As the mansion came into view, Blue's attention was drawn to a massive flower bed tightly planted with pink and white roses to spell out the word Jasper in flamboyant, flowing script.
'Must be his first name,' Blue muttered. Her expression showed distaste at the vulgarity.
'I believe it is, Serenity,' Kitterick confirmed.
'You must stop calling me "Serenity", Kitterick,' Blue told him. 'It's important Chalkhill doesn't realise my identity.'
'Of course, Serenity,' Kitterick nodded. 'What shall I call you?'
She was dressed in the clothes her father believed made her look exactly like a boy. After a moment's thought she said, 'Sluce. You should call me Sluce.'
'Sluce, Serenity?' Kitterick's nose wrinkled in distaste. 'A little… merchant class, surely?'
'We're supposed to be merchant class,' Blue said firmly. The cover story was they were here to offer Chalkhill a new wrinkle cream that actually reversed the ageing process to leave the skin soft as a child's. Madame Cardui claimed it was exactly the sort of nonsense to guarantee Chalkhill would see them. 'Are all the arrangements in place?' Blue asked Kitterick.
'Of course… Mr Sluce,' the orange dwarf confirmed with an audible sniff. 'We can move on a whistle.' He patted his briefcase and stared, mysteriously, up at the sky.
The ouklo reached the courtyard in front of the house and descended like thistledown to the gravelled surface. Blue and Kitterick both stepped off delicately. There were several gardeners at work within sight of the windows, but they ignored the visitors completely.
The mansion was a mixture of styles. The central portion had the look of a minor manor and would have been perfectly acceptable had it been left alone. But someone had extended it with two enormous baroque wings and added gothic towers inlaid with something crystalline that sparkled in the sun. An extra storey – clearly only built within the last few years -squatted on top like some monstrous cosy. All the external surfaces that did not sparkle had been painted a uniform pink. The windows were outlined in a delicate sky blue and their glass sprayed with a liquid spell that created the illusion of cherubs dancing.
'A little… sudden for my taste,' Kitterick remarked.
Blue shushed him. 'It's probably better inside.'
Kitterick shuddered.
Two enormous rock-crystal manticores guarded the front steps. Like the windows, they had been enchanted for they turned to watch as Blue and Kitterick approached. Blue gave them a wide, nervous berth, but they made no move to block the way. She jerked the bell-pull on the pulsing pink front door and was rewarded with the brief swelling of a phantom orchestra somewhere deep inside. The amount of money Chalkhill had spent on spells and nonsense was quite extraordinary.
They waited. Behind them, the crystal manticores settled back laboriously into their original positions.
The door swung open and Blue almost gasped. She had an impression of luxurious brown ringlets and deep, dark, soulful eyes. The boy was tall. He was dark. He was handsome. In fact he was the most handsome young man Blue had ever seen. He was wearing formal butler's uniform, but the trousers had been cut off into shorts, worn with ankle socks and soft, green, pointed shoes.
'Yes?' He didn't seem too pleased to see them.
Blue dragged her eyes away from his legs. 'I am Sluce Ragetus,' she told him boldly. 'This is Mr Kitterick. We're here to see Mr Chalkhill.'
She expected him to ask the nature of their business and had her story about the wrinkle cream all ready. But he only said, 'You can't come in.' He looked Kitterick up and down. 'He would clash with the furniture.'
Blue's jaw dropped as the door closed.
'Sluce Ragetus?' Kitterick exclaimed. 'No wonder he wouldn't let us in.'
Completely at a loss, Blue said, 'What are we going to do now?'
'May I suggest, Ser – Mr Sluce, that we walk around to the back? I understand from Madame Cardui that Mr Chalkhill owns some sort of swimming pool. He may be taking the waters or enjoying his enchanted sun.'
'You think they'll let us just… go round to the back?'
'I see no one to stop us,' Kitterick said.
Which was surprisingly true. After her experience in Brimstone's rooms, Blue had expected tight security around Chalkhill's mansion, but so far there was really none at all. The butler who had refused them entry hardly constituted an armed guard.
A flower bed of foxgloves and bluebells sang softly to them as they walked around the side of the mansion. The path meandered through a heart-shaped grove and past a croquet green with luminous pink hoops. The swimming pool, when they reached it, was nothing short of breathtaking.
At first Blue thought it must be some sort of illusion spell, but as she looked closer, she realised this was actually exactly how the pool was built. Although she was no stranger to wealth, the extravagance astonished her. The pool had been cut from a single piece of amethyst, the largest she had ever seen, then rimmed in gold and filled with sparkling water driven by machinery that maintained its fizz.
Blue's eyes slid reluctantly away from the pool to take in the painted apparition reclining on a heavily cushioned lounger beside it. Although the creature was severely under-dressed, she could not decide for a moment whether it was a man or a woman. It was certainly plump and it was painted more extravagantly than Madame Cardui. The skimpy bathing costume was a mix of gold lame and ostrich feathers.
'What on earth is that?' asked Blue underneath her breath.
That,' said Kitterick, 'is Mr Chalkhill.'
They stepped back together, out of sight of the pool. 'What now?' Blue whispered.
'I believe,' said Kitterick, who never seemed at a loss in any circumstances, 'we might simply approach him openly. We appear, after all, to be honest merchants -travelling salespeople, if you will -with something to purvey. A certain… aggression is expected of us.'
'You don't think he'll find it suspicious that we've sneaked around the back?'
'That is precisely the point, Mr Sluce. We are not sneaking anywhere – we are approaching quite openly.'
'And then what?' Blue asked, irritated with herself at how vulnerable she felt. She'd been more together tackling Brimstone's traps which were a thousand times more dangerous than this.
'Then,' said Kitterick patiently, 'we lay out our sales pitch, engage Mr Chalkhill in conversation and hope he – ' He stopped as a heavy hand fell on his shoulder.
The man was no giant, but he still towered over Kitterick. Blue had an impression of well-balanced features and a pockmarked skin. He was wearing the bottle-green uniform of a Security Guard Captain. There was a vicious-looking stun wand hanging from his belt. He glowered at them. 'What are you two doing sneaking round back here?' he asked.
Blue swallowed. 'Sluce Ragetus,' she said automatically. 'Here to see M-Mr Chalkhill. On business,' she added lamely.
Captain Pratellus's dark eyes bored through her, turned to Kitterick, then back again. 'Do you have an authorisation from Mr Chalkhill for your visit?'
'Well, no,' Blue said, 'but – '
'Do you have identification papers?'
'Well, actually – ' Blue began.
Kitterick turned and bit the hand on his shoulder.
'Is he dead?' Blue asked, staring down at the prostrate body.
Kitterick shook his head. 'No, but he will remain in a coma for several hours. And there will be a substantial headache when he wakes up. And tremors. Something of a limp. Blurred vision. Impaired hearing. A few facial tics. Some nausea, loss of appetite, occasional hallucinations, flatulence, a weakness in the back. The nerve damage will repair itself in a few years. Providing he rests, of course.'
'What are we going to do with him?'
'Perhaps you would be so kind as to help me drag him underneath those bushes. I doubt he will be missed for an hour or so. By which time we shall have finished our business with Mr Chalkhill. One way or another.'
Blue's heart was pounding as they stepped out on to the patio surrounding the pool. Chalkhill spotted them at once.
'Why, visitors!' he exclaimed. 'How unexpected. How intriguing.' He removed his sun-glasses and stared at Blue. 'A young man – how delightful.' His glance moved to Kitterick. 'And a small orange person.' He struggled from his lounger. 'I was just about to go inside. Will you join me? I find too much sun so destructive to the skin.' He hesitated, looking at Blue. 'Unless you'd prefer to stay out here?'
'No thank you,' Blue said quickly.
'Quite right,' said Chalkhill. He belted on a towelling dressing-gown. 'We shall go inside and Raul shall bring us iced tea with lots of sugar.' He smiled and his teeth sparkled and glinted. 'Then you can tell me who you are and why I have the pleasure of your company today.'
Blue glanced at Kitterick and found he was examining his fingernails. It looked as if she was on her own. They followed Chalkhill into a room dominated by a pink piano and several off-white singing chairs. 'Mr Chalkhill,' she said. 'I am Sluce Ragetus and this is Mr Kitterick. We represent Panjandrum Products, the well-known cosmetic manufacturers. The reason we are here is that our wizards have developed an astonishing new skin cream based on natural tachyons that generate a field capable of permanently reversing time.' She drew a deep breath and launched into her fake sales pitch.
Chalkhill sat entranced, twittering with delight and giving trills of pure excitement as she outlined the benefits of her imaginary cream. She had two sample jars, made mainly from suet, in case he asked to see the miracle, but he did not. 'This cream,' he said. 'It's not just for my face?'
'Oh, no,' Blue nodded brightly as Raul returned with a tray of iced tea. He set it down on a little table in front of Chalkhill and a strange look passed between them.
'Well,' said Chalkhill as Raul left again, 'aren't you the practised little liar.'
Blue blinked. 'I'm sorry?' But Chalkhill was changing before her eyes. He still looked the same man in his ludicrous bathing costume and fluffy white robe, but he seemed straighter somehow, taller, and his eyes had taken on a steely glint.
'You're not – what was it? Sluce Ragetus? You're not even a boy, however prettily you dress. Unless I'm very much mistaken, you are Her Serene Highness Holly Blue Iris, the Princess Royal, out on one of her famous slumming jaunts. Oh, don't look so surprised. I may not have recognised your reclusive brother, but it's well known that you like mixing with hoi polloi in various ridiculous disguises. Don't tell me you believed your subjects were too stupid to recognise you?' He rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and smiled broadly. 'My dear, in certain quarters you are positively a laughing stock.' The smile died abruptly as a Halek knife emerged from the folds of his robe. Tell your dwarf to sit still, Serenity. I'm perfectly well aware what it means to be bitten by a toxic trinian. Oh, and in case you feel I would hesitate to use this, let me tell you this is a reinforced blade. It cost me a king's ransom, but the Halek guarantee it never shatters. The ultimate weapon, you might say.'
Kitterick looked as if he might be prepared to risk it, but sat back warily at Blue's warning glance. 'Mr Chalkhill – ' she began.
'What now?' Chalkhill asked. 'Try to persuade me I'm mistaken? Oh, no, Serenity, this game is well and truly over. You know, it will be something of a relief to finish with this pose.'
'Pose?' Blue echoed.
'The fool with more money than sense. Here is a riddle for you, Princess Holly Blue: if a fool and his money are soon parted, how did he get it in the first place? You've seen my home. You'd have to be blind to believe it didn't cost. Where do you think I found it?' He stared at her, his eyes a piercing blue.
Blue decided to drop her pretence. 'I was told you poisoned your aunt,' she said coldly.
Chalkhill smiled and now his teeth no longer fizzed and sparkled. 'Ah, poor Matilda – she was like a mother to me. But then you should have seen my mother. Indeed I did poison my aunt – how word gets around – but that was not the source of my income. She only left me a small property. Everything else was provided by Lord Hairstreak.'
'Hairstreak!' Blue breathed. She felt a sudden chill crawl up her spine. 'Why would Black Hairstreak give you money?'
'Because,' Chalkhill said proudly, Tm something you could never be, despite your amateurish bunglings. I am Lord Hairstreak's most valued secret agent.'
It was Kitterick who broke the silence that followed. 'Past tense, surely, now you've told us.'
'I think not, trinian,' said Chalkhill. 'And I plan to tell you more.' He turned his attention back to Blue. 'You see, Serenity, I've always claimed a deep and lasting friendship with Lord Hairstreak. Of course nobody believed me. It was the perfect cover. People were always so busy laughing they never thought to suspect the truth.'
'A cover for what?' Blue asked contemptuously. 'Your interest in a glue factory?'
Chalkhill looked genuinely surprised. 'You of all people ask me that? I assume you're here because of your poor, dear, missing brother?'
After a long moment, Blue said, 'What do you know about Pyrgus?'
'What do I know? What do I know? Let's see…' He glanced upwards as if lost in cheerful thought. 'I know he's next in line for the throne. I know that if anyone planned to overthrow the Purple Emperor and, let's say, replace him, it would make things tidier if the immediate heir was eliminated as well. I know – '
'You're planning to overthrow my father?'
'Not me, Your Serene Highness – Lord Hairstreak.'
She stared at him, unable to speak. It was all beginning to make a horrid sort of sense – the negotiations that had turned sour, the threat of war, Pyrgus's disappearance…
But Chalkhill was talking again. 'You look surprised. I'm glad. You would not believe the care we took to hide what was really going on. Do you know, our first plan was to have my fool of a partner kill your brother? Dear old Brimstone, always playing with his demons. He thinks he controls them, but they've been leading him a merry dance for years – especially the ones in Lord Hairstreak's pay. Anyway, I arranged for some thugs to chase Prince Pyrgus down Seething Lane. Do you know the area by any chance?'
'Yes,' Blue said stonily, without bothering to explain.
'Then you'll know that when you reach the bottom, the only place to go is into the factory. Cunning, eh? I forced Pyrgus to trespass on our premises. He stole some glue kittens as well, but that was a bonus. Once he was in the factory, it was only a matter of time before our security people caught him and delivered him to me.'
'Is there a point to any of this?' Kitterick asked.
Chalkhill ignored him. 'I, in turn, delivered him to Brimstone. Lord Hairstreak had already primed one of his demon friends to ask for a human sacrifice. The idea was Brimstone would murder Pyrgus in one of his revolting rituals, then we – well, I really – would denounce Brimstone. What a show trial that would have been. It would have taken everybody's attention off what we were really up to.' He spread his hands sadly and sighed in a parody of his former self. 'But Brimstone messed it up. I'm afraid the old boy's well past his sell-by date. Some of your father's guards arrived on the scene and he panicked.'
Blue kept her face expressionless, but she was chill inside. She'd been the one who'd insisted the guards start looking for Pyrgus, but until now she'd had no idea how close a call it had been when he was rescued.
Typical of Pyrgus not to mention how much trouble he'd been in. She fought down her own surge of panic and said, 'So you sabotaged the portal and poisoned him?'
Chalkhill shrugged. 'I don't know about poison, but we certainly sabotaged the portal. What else could we do? And now he's out of the way, we can get on with the really important business of assassinating your father.'
'And you don't think we'll warn him?' Blue asked.
Chalkhill pushed himself to his feet and smiled. 'You disappoint me, my dear. I would have thought you'd have worked out by now that you're in no position to warn anybody. I shall kill your trinian at once, of course.' He shuddered. 'I loathe dwarves – they're so small. But I plan to keep you safe, Princess, at least for a while…'
Blue flushed, but before she could reply, Kitterick said quietly, 'You won't get near me, even with a Halek knife.'
'You're probably right,' Chalkhill nodded. 'But as it happens, I don't plan to try.' He raised his voice. 'Now, Raul!' Five burly guards marched into the room, armed with flexible obsidian swords and stun wands. 'You may poison one of them, trinian, but the others will have your bowels on the floor before you have time to release your teeth.'
Blue glanced at Kitterick, then looked at Chalkhill. 'Have you ever heard Mr Kitterick whistle, Mr Chalkhill?' she asked casually.
Chalkhill blinked. 'Whistle?' He looked confused.
'Whistle for the nice men, Mr Kitterick,' Blue said.
Without bothering to purse his lips, Kitterick emitted a piercing whistle. It seemed to emerge from the slot in his head. At once a stream of burly palace commandos smashed through the window while more descended on ropes in a shower of broken glass from the skylight. They were armed with stun grenades and lightweight rocket launchers.
'You didn't really think I'd come alone?' said Blue mildly.
Chalkhill dropped his knife. Despite the Halek guarantee, it smashed into a thousand pieces on the floor.